While I may have been a little hard on Joe Cool yesterday, I must admit that sometimes (Ohhh! This is so hard to admit!) there may be a Wife #1, Wife #2, and on really horrible days, a Wife #3 at the Hesterhouse. Wife #1 is the sweet, adoring, kind-hearted, submissive wife to Husband #1. Her goal is to meet the needs of her family with a smile on her face, Proverbs 31 emulating from her, with perfect hair, perfect outfits, and perfect fingernails (no chipped polish, please). Wife #1 tries to be around for 4 weeks out of the month, but gets the boot when she is unwillingly replaced for one week by Wife #2.
Wife #2 doesn't want to be here, and would much rather be on a sunny beach in Florida. Her weekly visit to the Hesterhome is filled with short tempered responses, sprinkled with heavy doses of a complaining spirit. She can be driven to tears at less than a moment's notice, and makes her family wonder what in the world happened to Wife #1. After her week stay, she quickly departs out the back door, and Wife #1 comes sauntering back in just as if she was never away. She can't understand why everyone is hiding under the beds, shaking with fear, and looking at her like she has three heads as she makes her grand entrance. The relief on their faces at seeing Wife #1 back in her original form could drive Wife #1 to tears. But tears are usually saved for Wife #2, when she is in the picture. The family welcomes Wife #1 with open arms and squeezes her extra tight, hoping to remove any traces of Wife #2 from her body.
Wife #3 will not be described in words, because she is just too terrifying to characterize. She VERY RARELY shows up. There have only been a couple of times in 17 years that Wife #2 has been on vacation, and Wife #3 comes in to sub for her. I think that is when Husband #2 shows up. Husband #1 is just too sweet to take on something as volatile as #3.
So, as much as I struggle at times with Joe Cool on the phone, I know honestly that I have no room to talk whatsoever when it comes to being married to "multiple" spouses. This, of course, is Wife #1 speaking. Was there any doubt?
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