Fidelity and Facebook

I feel like I have been "cheating" on my blog lately... because I sensed "guilt" when I clicked on her this morning. You know that feeling when you realize you have been spending a lot more time with one friend over another? I want to explain to my blog...."Listen, I have this new "friend" in my life. You really should meet her. I know you would like her too. She has all these things that are soooo cool about her. She has flair...she has online friends... she is easy to chat with...she's fun to be around. I will have to introduce her to you. We can hang out together." I can almost imagine my blog responding with an unenthusiastic "Great..." and leaving it at that. I never realized how jealous she can be.

My sister tells me that the Facebook "newness" will wear off....but it doesn't seem to be happening for me and that scares me. Does Facebook cater to the weaknesses/strengths of my personality....my extroverted tendencies....my love for having people around me? In addition to that, my husband hates when I am on FACEBOOK. He thinks it is a complete waste of time. But I have really enjoyed connecting with people I haven't spoken with in a while. It is a great vehicle for that. And to top it all off, the Flair is so cute.

But one question keeps playing over and over in my mind about Facebook. Doesn't anybody ever worry about saying something on someone's wall....or posting something on your status...or sending them a piece of flair... that might make them mad? Maybe they won't understand the thought behind it. Maybe they won't get the joke. Maybe they will read too much into your "status" at the time, and think there is more behind it than what you are really stating. I don't know, maybe it's just me...but I wonder how many "facebook fights" have started because of something said which wasn't meant to be seen by the whole "community of friends." Is it just my feeble almost 40 year old brain that has concerns with wondering where a comment is going, or who's eyes are seeing it? Maybe that is just a risk one takes by participating in it.

I say all this somewhat satirically...but I have wondered about this from time to time since becoming familiar with Facebook. I know what my blog is thinking right now. She is sitting there going, "See...you should have just stayed with little old me. You didn't worry about all that stuff when you were hanging out with me. Oh sure, sometimes you thought something you wrote might be potentially offensive, but you didn't dwell on it that much. Maybe I wasn't so bad after all, hmmmmmmm??????"

First Day of School

Will somebody tell me how a mom who looks this "young," has daughters who are in 5th and 7th grade???

Pray without ceasing

Have you ever prayed to the point of exhaustion?

Have you ever felt your "prayer muscles" deeply ache from being stretched, strained, and pulled?

Have you ever reached the point when you bowed your head one more time, and just called out the name "Father," because that was all you had left within you?

Currently, I am going through something very painful that includes a large group of people around me whom I love and care for beyond words. Because of that, I don't feel this is the forum to go into great depth about it. If it was just about me,(Wait a minute, I have always felt that "It's all about me!" :) ) I might pour my heart out here. However, this situation includes many hearts, and I want to be respectful of them. But when I go before God time and time again over the same matter, it seems as if my spiritual energy...even physical energy at times, is depleting. Almost as if the gas light has gone off on the dashboard, and the arm in the meter just barely hangs above "E."

What makes my prayers sometimes so exhausting? I think it is because I feel through my words with God. I choose carefully what I want to say to Him, as if He has no idea how I am processing things...as if He hasn't wired me Himself. I need to carefully walk Him through it so He "gets it." The other night, I went before God, and I could barely get the words out. I was just too emotional. My heart was in a pit of grief, and I needed Him to carry that burden for me through my words. Yet, I am reminded my words aren't that important to God. Here is what's comforting about that:

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves......"
Romans 8:26-27 The Message

Moving on.....

After a mutually restless night, a friend and I spent some time with one another yesterday. God has masterfully brought us together at this time to pray about some very serious matters. It's not as if it was on our agenda...not on our long range calendar to be together for those moments. It had been "random" to us...but not random to our God. I have prayed so much with her lately, I wouldn't be surprised if she tires of my voice. As we faced each other with yet another deeply heartfelt prayer concern, I threw myself physically on the couch, and said, "I am so tired of praying." As I peeled my lifeless form off the couch, I remembered the wise words of Paul in 1 Thessalonians 5:17, when he simply said, "Pray without ceasing." I am grateful for the encouragement of Paul, because I tend to want to run away and hide from any turmoil. "When the going gets tough, the "tough" (weak,really) wants to bolt." Praise God! He has me on a tight leash.

I think of the time when Jesus had to pray through the most excruciating circumstance. How much energy did He have to lift His Words to God? How many tears must have flowed as He petitioned His Father? How much did He desire to avoid the situation before Him, even though He knew God's Ultimate Plan?


“Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” Mark 14:36

Moments like these make me long for Heaven. All I dwell upon here is the "little" picture. But Heaven is the BIG picture, and thank God, He wants more for us than this.

Gotta run....must pray!!! :)

Rounding the Finish Line

I am nearing the finish line in my "Whispers of Hope" prayer journal and I have mixed feelings. What was meant to be a 10 week journey has taken me 6 months to complete, and I am not at all ashamed. I used to be so methodical about my quiet time with God, and in this second time going through the journal, I have allowed myself to be more "organic." (Like that??) Unfortunately, with finishing anything like this, you can be left with the frightening conclusion of "now what?" I have enjoyed this format so much....it fits me like a glove. Looking up various passages of scripture, learning a little more about it from Beth, then praying about what you learned and other things with God....it's just such a fantastic way to start the day. But there are no more "Whispers of Hope" journals for me to go through. She never did another one in this format....but I don't think I am left empty-handed.

Beth has a few "Personal Reflections" devotionals out that just might be perfect for my next choice. She has one on David...one on Jesus...and her newest one is about John. The format is a 90 day journal "journey," sprinkled with teachings from her studies on the subject. I think this is something I would really like to do. Problem is....I would really like to do this with someone else at the same time.

One of the things that I wished throughout my "Whispers of Hope" journey, was that there was someone out there doing it too. Someone who might not have been on the same day I was, (honestly...who could have waited through it that long?) but was very familiar with what I was learning and being challenged with. It would have been neat to go to them and say..."So, what did you think of Day 57?? That was a doozy! (BTW, that day really was a doozy. I feel so challenged by it, I am not sure I can do it. It is an "Olympic" size God-task for me. But see my dilemma?? I can't talk with any one about it. I would bore them silly.)

So...maybe you are at a point in your "Quiet Time" where you are wanting to "kick it up a notch." Maybe you are just looking for something new to "spice it up" but you weren't sure what that would look like. Maybe this is the very thing you are looking for. I was wondering if anyone would like to start one of these with me. You can absolutely do it at your own pace. In fact, I can almost promise you that you will finish it before me. (If you are a competitive person unlike myself :), you might like that.) I am not sold out to any one of them...they are all fine by me. But if you see one that you would like to do, let me know. I will be starting one in approximately 13 days. Want to join me?

Jesus in '08??

I like to catch up on the morning's news with USA TODAY.com. Sometimes, I catch the TODAY show...but it has its time constraints, and the top stories are always readily available on the Internet. I only read two sections of USA TODAY...both in paper and .com form. I have always been that way. First, I peruse the TOP stories, then I go over to the LIFE section. I am a creature of habit, very predictable.

The LIFE section has an article today regarding a new book coming out
entitled "American Savior." The teaser (What if Jesus returned to Earth and ran for president?) intrigued me. I was curious to see who was publishing this book...was it someone "making fun" of Jesus or poking at political conservatives? Or was it a Christian writer attempting to be creative during this somewhat "boring" election season? I'm still not sure...even after reading the article.

I thought for more insight on the book, I would scroll down to the comments portion of the article to see what people were saying. If you have ever glanced at the comments section on USA TODAY.com, you might be disturbed by what you read. Even the most positive articles (and there aren't many of those)can generate some pretty appalling comments. But what struck me today were these comments:

"What is this obsession about Jesus? He is obviously an amalgamation of other savior gods around that time."

"Religion, ALL RELIGION, is the biggest fraud ever perpetrated by man against man."

And my favorite:

"In my opinion, Jesus wouldn't be that stupid to run for president." This one, I tend to agree with...at times. :)

I looked at the pseudo-names of the people who wrote these comments, and my heart went out. I can remember clearly when I wanted nothing to do with God, when I believed whole-heartedly that He was out to get me. I know how dark, black, and empty life is without God, and how incredibly difficult it is to see God for who He really is. I wondered where these people live. Do they have anyone around them who is trying to share THE TRUTH with them? Or are they alone in their unknown emptiness?

Sometimes in my social circles, I forget how many people out there don't know Christ...don't want to know Christ. In all honesty, sometimes I lose sight of the fact that I was once one of them...that without God grabbing me when He did, I would still be there. But I am grateful to God for the gift of memory...because I think He uses it to remind me of who I was and what a different life I have because of His presence. Jesus just wouldn't have time to be president, with the needy Hesterwoman around.

http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/reviews/2008-08-20-savior_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip

More on Jerry....

Please don't think I am obsessed with Jerry Jenkins. I never write on the same subject 3 posts in a row....but I wanted to share a little bit more about my email conversation with him last week. My girls have been big fans of his series for kids entitled "Red Rock Mysteries." Even Faith, who considers herself "not a reader," (Strange...she is MY child, right??) was absorbed by the books. Jerry co-authored 15books in this series with Chris Fabry, and they are rapid "page turners"...just like his adult books.

When the girls finished Book 15, they were anxiously awaiting the next one, as they felt it ended in a cliff hanger. (Don't you just "love" when that happens?) They have waited, and waited, but nothing came out. So, since Jerry and I are so tight:), I thought I might take the opportunity to ask him about it through our conversation. He replied that the series is over...but in consolation, he offered to send the girls another series he wrote with Fabry (The Wormling Series) and he would even autograph the books for them.

You should have heard them squeal with delight when they opened the mailbox yesterday and found the books waiting for them. I could hear them running back to the house, package in hand, yelling, "Momma, Momma, they're here!!!!!" I praised God for the moment, because I love to see them excited about such pure things. Hopie is already tucked away in her room...and I imagine she will finished Book #1 today. Faith and I read some of it together yesterday, and I think I will "hold her hand" through the first few chapters of this book, until I can get her to read it on her own. So far, I have really enjoyed it.

I have been very impressed with how approachable and personable Jerry Jenkins has been with me and the girls. He is a class act and obviously wants to encourage reading amongst kids. Faith is excited about writing her own personal thank you note to him. I am looking forward to that too.

Riven Revisited

It isn't often that I feel a book impacting me long after I have closed the cover. Usually, I am quickly onto the next adventure in reading land....but I really feel like I should talk about this once more, just in case any of you are searching for a good book that has the potential to challenge you spiritually (aside from the Bible, of course). And honestly, I am just "dying" to talk with someone about this. I NEED to talk with someone about this. I just can't get it out of my head.

I had the pleasure of communicating with Jerry Jenkins himself through email last week. I wanted to share with him how much I was moved by the book....even if I was just in the first stages of processing it. In his return email he shared, "The writing was finished months ago and I still feel spent, but a good kind of spent." I can only imagine what it was like for him to put this story from mind to print....and I feel a "good kind of spent" from reading it.

If you happen to pick "Riven" up, please let me know. In anticipation, I look forward to talking with someone....anyone...about it, when they have experienced the honor of finishing it.

Facebook Fess-up

OK...I admit it.... before yesterday, I knew very little about Facebook. I assumed that it was an "Arkansas-type" cousin to MYSPACE (maybe it really is?), and I had heard so many negative things about MYSPACE, I was afraid to investigate it further. But after some gentle ribbing by some friends at a Mom/Daughter Sleepover the other night (what better things do we have to discuss than FACEBOOK?), I decided I better check this thing out for myself.

WOW!!! This is so embarrassing to say, but I spent initially two straight hours on it....bouncing from this place to that. That means, no laundry done, no straightening up the house, no boundaries set for the girls, no nothing!!! I was afraid to confess to Gregg what I had done with my afternoon. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, he would think FACEBOOK was a waste of time. And he didn't disappoint when I showed it to him last night. "I just don't get the point of this," he said, clicking on assorted friends of mine. If someone else had told him about it, he probably would have really enjoyed it. But because it was me.....

My sister broke in on my FACEBOOK marathon yesterday by calling me on the phone.(Seems so archaic, doesn't it?? The phone of all things.) She was laughing hysterically. "What are YOU doing on FACEBOOK???"-barely getting the words out. "What is that supposed to mean?" I asked offended. She stammers back, "Well, I , ummm, it's just that...ummm...I never thought...well....umm...you are so...ummm....Hey, do you want to be my friend on FACEBOOK??" Attempting to gather my pride off the floor, I uttered, "Maybe...I'll have to think about it."

So, apparently I am behind the times on this whole FACEBOOK thing. But the real question is....how many of you have your own blog??? Hmmmmm.... That's what I want to know!

This one leaves me "Torn to Shreds"

You obviously know by now that when I find a book I am excited about, I must share it with you. Although I so enjoyed the "Kanner Lake" series this summer, I thought I would take a little break from Brandilyn Collins and dive into something different for the remainder of my school-free days. (Oh, why do they have to end???!!!)

I try to keep current on new Christian fiction that comes down the pike. Some avid readers avoid this genre, because they find it too predictable, too sappy, or just plain boring. I haven't found this to be the case....and I consider myself a pretty picky reader. I avoid authors like Janette Oke, Beverly Lewis, even most Karen Kingsbury because I need something much "edgier" than that. (Sorry!) So, I was eager to crack the cover of Jerry Jenkins' new book "Riven." You may remember his name from a "little known" series back in the day entitled "Left Behind." Well, on his own, without Tim LaHaye, Jerry stands strong as an independent author, and one that leaves you with a lot to think about as you are reading one of his books.

"Riven" (meaning "torn to shreds") is a thick book, but well worth the time necessary to put into it. Two stories are going on at one time, and somewhat predictably, (I cut him some slack here) he joins the two stories together towards the end of the book. Story 1 is about Brady Darby (notice his first name and last name use the same letters) who grows up disadvantaged in a trailer park. His life is hard, and because of that, he seems to always choose the wrong path for himself. As a reader, you want desperately to cheer him on to do the right thing (verbally, I found myself saying "Don't do it!!")...take the higher road, but unfortunately, he just doesn't have the strength to do so. He has so few people in his life encouraging him. Jerry Jenkins grabs you by making you love Brady...even having sympathy for his ultimate demise, though you can't believe the final trouble he lands himself in and cannot get out of.

The other simultaneous story is of a unsuccessful pastor named Thomas who has been burned for years by the churches he has tried futilely to shepherd. As a last ditch effort to stay in the ministry, he finds himself at a maximum security prison, where he has just been hired on as the prison chaplain. I don't want to say too much about this, for fear of giving some of the book away. But as with the "Kanner Lake" series, I find myself wanting to steal away to the bedroom, just to sneak in a few more chapters of the book, before I need to get back to my "real job" of taking care of my family.

So...give this one a try. I am always excited to hear from you when you are reading something that I loved as well. Thanks for valuing my recommendations. It is fun to share these books with you. Let me know if you pick it up! Happy Reading.....

Happy Blog Birthday to me!!!!

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of the Hestermomma's blog!!! After over 190 entries, what is there possibly left to say??? Hmmmm....I'm sure I'll think of something.

Part 4- She was born 13 years ago......

Gregg's head was spinning. Not only had he gotten lost on his way to the hospital in attempt to follow the ambulance, but now he was being introduced to the hospital chaplain. What was happening here? Feeling like he needed to be in two places at one time, he thoughts turned to his newborn baby girl, still at the military hospital, sleeping soundly with no idea what was happening to her mother. Starring at the chaplain, he listened to him rattle on and on, but keyed in on the words, "50-50 chance of making it." The chaplain patted Gregg's shoulder and walked away. Panic began to sit in and he was left alone in the waiting room with the enormous task of attempting to digest all that had occurred in such a short amount of time. Why wasn't Amy able to breathe? Why couldn't they do anything about it? 50-5o chance of making it? How can this be?

He cried out to God in desperate plea for Amy's life. He needed people around him....he needed additional prayer power, but that might be a difficult task. He didn't have any phone numbers with him to call friends, and he wasn't even able to recall any of their last names to look them up in a phone book. As he gazed up from the floor, he watched a doctor enter the waiting room. He knew it was about Amy because he was the only person in the room. The doctor informed him as gently as he could that Amy's heart had stopped 3 times, and things looked very grim at this point. No words.....just tears flowed.

Honoring those tears, God stepped in and placed a name in Gregg's brain....a first and last name of a friend. He ran to the payphone to make an attempt to call in the "troops." Through strained words he explained the situation as quickly as he could, and before he knew it, there were 40 people (many he did not know) standing with him in the waiting room. They moved to the hospital chapel, and joined hands in a circle, petitioning the Father over and over again for healing and preservation of the gift of life. The hour was late, and many returned home. But a few stayed side by side with Gregg. Their presence was much comfort to him. They remained in prayer throughout the night.

The morning looked brighter, with the news of Amy making it through the night. Those still standing watch with Gregg, lifted up grateful voices to God, in praise of what healing He had done so far. She was now placed in the ICU, and would remain on a respirator, until it was clear she could breathe on her own. Meanwhile, Gregg went through the motions of driving back and forth from hospital to hospital....spending time with Faith at one, and checking on Amy at the other. Soon Faith would be released from the military hospital, but it things were still unclear about Amy's condition.

Four days later, Amy awoke in a room in the ICU, dazed and confused as to where she was and why she was there. Eyes still trying to focus, she noticed a picture of a baby taped to a tray table in front of her. Her throat ached for reasons unknown to her, but she was captivated by the beautiful memory of the baby in the picture. She caught a glimpse of a figure coming into the room out of the corner of her eye, and recognized the man as her husband. He looked haggard and weary, but a smile stretched across his face, when he saw she was awake. He sat down and rubbed her arm for a long time. Finally, he was able to find his voice and whispered "God did something incredible, and I can't wait to share it with you."

Part 3: She was born 13 years ago.....

Nurses brought her in to see me after I was all stitch up and put back together. I continued hovering in this atmosphere of disbelief. I was so taken by her beauty, and the image of God that I saw within her. She was absolutely perfect and I couldn't get enough of her. They went over the techniques of nursing, gently handing her to me, and walked out of the room. For the first time in 9 months, we were both occupying the same space, now outside the body. It was so overwhelming...there was so much to take in. We sat there, both she and I, just getting to know one another. My voice, so familiar to her...her presence so familiar to me. We spent these initial moments getting acquainted with one another. Her fingers, her toes, her eyes. Her cute little birth mark on her ankle. The sweet little sproutings of light brown hair on her adorable round head. I wanted to cry for joy...but I was just too exhausted to do so. I don't remember Gregg being there to share in this moment with me. They had sent them home, as another one of the military hospital's ridiculous rules WAS he could not spend the night with me.

When they returned to take her back to the nursery, I slept restlessly, waking up off and on to the reality of being a new mother. Around noon the next day, (12 hours after Faith's birth), I began to have trouble breathing. I don't have asthma or any allergies, so it was alarming and very noticable to me. I tried to talk myself out of what I was feeling. I tried to rationalize it somehow, but it continued to get worse and worse. I eyed the red emergency button next to the bed and wondered if I should press it. Was this situation enough to warrant pressing the button? Was this a true emergency? Instead, I decided to wait for a nurse to come in and check on me. But it never happened. Hesitantly, I pressed the red button, and a nurse came in right away. I looked at her wide-eyed, as breathing became increasingly difficult, and asked her for an oxygen tank. Her visual response indicated to me that this wasn't a frequent request on the labor and delivery floor, but she turned around anyway and returned quickly, wheeling in into the room.

While placing the tubes into my nose, she asked me questions as to why I thought I needed this. I explained to her with desperation that I was having trouble breathing....feeling like I was drowning...and I had no idea why. She left without much response, and returned to the room with a man I had never seen before. He didn't seem "doctor-like" but ordered an x-ray of my lungs immediately. Before I had any idea what was happening, a gurney was wheeled into the room, and I was told I was being taken to a different hospital. Gregg simultaneously walked into the room, his first time since Faith was born, and was completely clueless as to what was going on. I heard the man abruptly ask Gregg if he knew where University Hospital was. Gregg dumbfoundedly replied, "No." "Just follow the ambulance," he ordered. And off we went...leaving our newborn baby behind.

The difficulty in breathing increased as we traveled rapidly through the streets of Oklahoma City by the sound of the ambulance. I remember wondering how I got to this point so quickly....unable to explain my desperate need for air. Upon arrival at University Hospital, I was asked a lot of questions which I barely had enough oxygen to answer. They switched from a nose tube to a mask and were hopeful that would buy me some time, until they could figure out exactly what was going on. The mouth mask made me feel worse, psychologically....as if someone was now covering my mouth, removing any chance of me taking in much needed oxygen. I ripped the mask from my mouth and told them it was making the situation worse. The nurses insisted that I wear it, and the last thing I remember was "disobeying" them. After that, my role in the story changes from active participant to innocent bystander. The main character of this God-story now becomes Gregg, with a circle of much needed friends around him, and some unwanted conversations with the hospital chaplain.

Part 2: She was born 13 years ago....

The pregnancy continued on and we were filled with such unspeakable joy. Sharing the pregnancy with friends and family....even my fifth grade students were excited for us...it was just such an incredible time for both Gregg and I as a couple. Every little thing about this baby was so mind boggling to me...from the transformation of my body, to the feeling of the baby moving around, to seeing the baby on ultrasound for the first time. I couldn't believe the possibility of what this gift could mean to our lives, but I still had this nagging soundtrack playing in my mind. It was the Enemy playing that "oldie but goodie" of his..."FEAR." I'm sure you have heard it before. It has been "on the charts" for a long, long time.

One day, I was driving along a rural road by myself in Edmond, Oklahoma, reflecting once again on the potential of seeing this child face to face in a few months. Uncharacteristically at that time, I felt the Lord lay something on my heart. (Side note- I know a lot of people speak of hearing the Lord's audible voice. I never have. I don't discount them at all. However for me, I feel His heart promptings from time to time. This was one of them.) I felt Him impress upon me, "I want this child's name to be Faith." I disregarded it. (CRAZY, isn't it??? You don't "disregard" God!!) For one, we didn't even know "what" this child was going to be. We wanted to be surprised. To the shock and surprise of those around us, we weren't going to find out. And for all intents and purposes, I was certain the baby was going to be a boy. But I thought it was a nice suggestion on God's part. A little off maybe...but a nice suggestion.

The pregnancy progressed normally, until around Month 7, when my ankles began to be very swollen and I was having trouble getting my shoes to fit. It was the end of the school year thankfully, so I could spend the remainder of the
pregnancy "resting" at home....which is what I didn't do. I had so much to get ready in anticipation of seeing this precious one. There was no time to rest. When I would lay down for a minute, I would see little white flashes or stars in my eyes as I would get up off the couch. I paid no attention to these signals, nor was I very alarmed when the military doctors informed me I had protein in my urine (is that too graphic??) and my blood pressure was high during my regular prenatal visits. I must have skipped that chapter in "What to expect when you are expecting."

We got to Month 9 and I was so very big! I was finally accepting the fact that I was going to be a mother, and I was so grateful to God for honoring my heart's desire. The military has all sorts of unnecessary rules, but one of the most absurd was their "must be 14 days past due date before inducing" rule. I was getting bigger by the minute, very uncomfortable, and my blood pressure continued to stay within dangerous levels. I mistakenly trusted in my doctors at the military hospital and had absolutely no idea how scary this really was for me and for the baby.

By the 10th day past my due date of July 30, I could feel some major action going on, and it seemed as if we were finally going to see the baby face to face. We raced to the hospital (after stopping for gas on the way....WHAT???!!), and began the process of labor....laboring into the late hours of the day, with no baby yet. The doctor came in to inform me that we would need to do a C-section, which had been one of my ultimate fears throughout the pregnancy. Even shared it with God in my prayer journal. But I was so ready to have the labor part over with...and to see my precious one, I could have run to the operating room myself, just to expedite the process.

She (surprisingly, not he) was born at 11:27 pm on August 8, at a whopping 9lbs. 2 oz. She was beyond beautiful, with her perfectly little round head, and sweet little cry. I COULDN'T BELIEVE THIS GIFT I WAS SEEING FOR THE 1ST TIME!! There was no room for words because we couldn't find it in our feeble little brains to describe what we were feeling inside, but our God knew. He also knew why it was so important that her name be "Faith".... because there would be a "massive" amount needed just 12 short hours later.

Part 1: She was born 13 years ago today......

and my life has never been the same since. Oh, believe me...I know all mothers say that about their children. It has been said so much, it has lost its meaning...as if there is no power behind the statement. And that is unfortunate, because for me, it comes from the heart. I really mean it. My life hasn't been the same since, because so much centered around this child's birth. Not that all births do not have the fingerprints of God...because they do. I love that about Him. But God spoke in so many ways in my life regarding her life-it is part of my testimony as His child. And to honor what He did back in 1995, I want to share. I feel compelled to share. I want to scream it from the rooftops, because I am still in awe of what He has done. The beautiful "aroma" of this God-gift hasn't lost its scent, even after 13 years. He was and is so good. Please step back with me a moment in time, if you would......

I was a relatively new believer in Christ when I began to pray for a baby. You see, my history with getting pregnant and staying pregnant was not good. I had already had two miscarriages by the time we reached YEAR 3 in our marriage. I shed many, many tears over this and I knew my probability for having a successful pregnancy wasn't very high. It was my first battle with God as a baby Christ-follower....in other words, my heart and mind were screaming "I want this, why won't You give it to me, God?" While going through my first Bible Study ever with a group of friends in Oklahoma, they talked candidly about this concept of journaling your prayers with God. Kind of like written documentation of conversations you had with Him regarding things in your life. This was a foreign concept to me....but I thought I would try it, no matter how strange it felt.

One of the first things I petitioned God about in my journal was having a baby. The other was my struggle with Gregg being gone so much with the Navy. Both had equal "air time" with God. While my friends were avid prayer-warriors, I would sporadically write in my prayer journal. Sometimes, days...even weeks would go by without me lifting anything up to God, yet longing for a baby remained a constant in my heart. One day, however, I felt a shift in my trust level with God. I watched myself write in my prayer journal, "God, whatever You will is regarding a baby, I am fine with. I know You know what is best for me." And I left it at that. I went on with life comfortable in my first "faith walk" with God. For once in my life, I let something go and I gave it over completely to God.

A few weeks went by. I began to feel strange. Something wasn't right with me. I dismissed the thought of being pregnant, because it just wasn't something I was focusing on anymore. But as time passed, it occurred to me I better take a pregnancy test. I dreaded doing this. It was as if I was taking a few steps backwards in my "faith walk." I wanted to say to God, "Look, I have made great strides in this area of my life....and I can't go back to having this on my mind all the time. You have brought me to a good place with this. I can't allow myself to be open to the possibility. It is too painful."

The test came back positive and I stood in the bathroom dumbfounded. Gregg was deployed with the Navy again, so there was no one around to share it with. I couldn't tell my friends, because I had learned my lesson two miscarriages ago, to keep my mouth shut about the pregnancies. It was just too difficult to go back to people and tell them the pregnancies were over. So, when Gregg did finally come home, we mutually decided to keep the news to ourselves. That way, when the pregnancy ended, we could grieve alone, and not have to explain anything to others. (Selfish thinking, I know.)

Weird thing about it....month after month went by with no miscarriage. I was completely shocked and scared. By Month 4, it occurred to both of us, that we probably should start sharing this incredible news with family and friends, because clothes were starting to fit tightly, and it was becoming a little obvious. Still extremely cautious, we began to share....and it felt good to do so. Friends were so genuinely happy for us. They celebrated this news with us, and I felt what it truly meant to be a part of a body of believers....part of community, for the very first time. I had no idea how important this group of people were going to be in the days to come.

In your ipod dreams

Here is a blast from the past. Does the name Glenn Miller ring a bell?? This morning, I heard Hopie and her friend running down the hallway, heading straight for her room. "Want to listen to my ipod?" she asked. Her ever-agreeable friend said, "Sure." (I love those "in depth" conversations my daughter has with her friends. Straight and to the point. Cracks me up! No convincing needed. No calendars to match up. Just simple friendship.) Out of all the songs on her ipod, she chose Glenn Miller's "In the Mood" to share with her friend. I heard them bouncing up and down on the bed saying, "I love this one, I love this one." They hummed different parts together, mimicking the unusual mix of his music. After it was over, I heard Hopie ask, "Would you like to listen to 'String of Pearls?" and then "Have you ever seen The Glenn Miller Story?" I smiled to myself and thought, "Would Glenn Miller have ever believed his music would still be enjoyed some 60 years later...by two 10 year olds in Columbus, Ohio...who above all other musical selections chose to listen to his 'special sound' this morning????"

While the world wants you to believe all 10 year old girls are interested in is Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers (who are they anyway??), I was delighted to hear that my girl desires a little more substance in her ipod library. And I bet Glenn Miller would have been too!

Goodbye Kanner Lake.....

Well, last night I hopped on board the proverbial "747" from Boise, Idaho and finally returned home from Kanner Lake. Most of my friends are already home now...have been for some time, and left me in the "book race" dust. I have enjoyed this series very much and feel like I have accomplished something for actually finishing it. I have never completely read a series before. Didn't even finished the "Left Behind" series. GASP!!!! But this one was well worth reading, and I will fondly remember the summer I spent with the people of Kanner Lake...and my friends who joined me in reading this suspenseful "quad-rilogy." (Oops!! Don't want to forget you, Mom. I know you are enjoying them, too!)

If you haven't finished the series yet, I hope what I am about to say won't deter you. The reason it has taken me so long to leave Kanner Lake is that it wasn't easy for me to get through Book 4 Amber Morn. It was my least favorite of the series and it wasn't hard for me to put down. It didn't appear to have as many twists and turns as its prior books. But don't let my opinion convince you to not finish the series!! Collins wraps up the character stories nicely, and you aren't left wondering what happened to these people. It is a clean conclusion and doesn't leave you angry at the author.

So...there are just a few weeks of summer reading left. If you haven't picked up the series yet, take time out of your crazy schedule and enjoy a good book. But...I warn you, don't read these things at night before you go to bed. It could produce a nightmare or two if you aren't careful.

PS- My favorites have been Books 1 and 3....although most people prefer Book 2 over Book 1.

PPS-Special thanks to Brenda, Kim, Sara, Trudy, Jacqui, and Mom for joining me in this series. It has been so fun to read and discuss these with you.

Blog Birth

My friend Brenda has just given "birth" to her first blog....and we didn't even have a shower for her. Shame on us. She, along with friend Heidi, have "married" mutual passions and created a blog centered around two fascinating subject matters-nutrition and chemical free living. Both enjoy researching their respective loves and have decided to let us in on all the information they are gleaning from their thorough investigations. Plus, it is just fun for them to talk about. So when you get tired of my endless chatter about nothing and more nothing....why not head over to something more purposeful and peruse www.chemicalfreeme.blogspot.com. Tell them the Hesterwoman sent you.

Happy 17th Anniversary, Sweetheart!!!

I didn't make it to the Hallmark store to get you a card....so I thought I might take this approach and hope it will suffice. I know cards just end up in the bottom of your dresser anyway (not that that is bad... at least it is not the trash can.) Knowing the easy going temperament that our Father gave you, I don't think you will be too angry with me over a $3 card (boy, those things have gotten expensive). I would much rather adore you with my own words than that of someone else. I hope this means more to you, too.

I loved your idea of incorporating our girls into our Anniversary Celebration Date last night. I agree it seems like we have been away from them too much lately, and it was a unique way of allowing them to participate in the joy of our marriage with us. (But let's not make this a new tradition, OK, Sweetheart? I do treasure my time alone with you.) I was delightfully intrigued by the questions they asked us over dinner about our engagement and our wedding day (Did anything strange happen on your wedding day? Did you pick out Momma's ring by yourself or together? Where did you first live after you were married?) Answering those questions for them took me to a place in my memory where I don't often go anymore....mostly because my brain is filled with to-do lists and calendar obligations. But how sweet it was to look over at you, sitting side by side with me in that booth at O'Charley's and listening to you share those mutual memories with our daughters.

One thing occurred to me as we shared those precious early days with our daughters last night. We have come a long way, Sweetheart. And it has been nothing of our own doing. It has been completely our God. I am truly in awe of what He has done, and what He continues to do with two incredibly sinful human beings. He is placed crucially at the center of our marriage, because without Him, there would be no Hestercouple. He has given so abundantly to us, in ways we can see, and in many ways we can't. He is worthy of so much praise, simply because of who He is, and what He has done.

Yesterday, I asked you if it felt like 17 years. You replied, "Not at all." I would have to agree. I think there are many reasons why it doesn't feel like 17 years. It took us so long to get our God-bearings as a couple. We moved around so much...it always seemed like we were starting over with each place we attempted to "settled down" in. And ever since the girls came into our lives, it's as if the days pass by at record pace. We couldn't reign them in even if we tried.

But I got to thinking this morning, how wonderful of God to give us the gift of marriage....someone to make history with....someone to create babies with...someone to laugh with...someone to cry with...someone to parent with...someone to talk deeply with...someone to pray with...someone to laugh with...someone to celebrate with...someone to live life with until you see your Savior face to face. Marriage is so uniquely God, and today, I am so incredibly honored to be married to you, Gregg Hesterman. You still "float my boat," during both rocky seas and tranquil waters, after all these years. I love you, Honey.

**If you are wondering how old we were when we got married, the correct answer is 22. Although, many speculate 12, after looking at this picture.