Out into the cool of the morning strolls The Pretender

Last Sunday, we were driving to church when the first snow flakes began to reintroduce themselves to the skies of Ohio. There is something innocent and pure about the first snowfall. In November, people don't react as harshly to snow as they do in March or April. Everyone seems to give it a hospitable "hello" and a resounding "welcome back".... at least for the time being.

While looking out the window at the falling snow, Faith commented that we probably wouldn't have school the next day. Gregg and I looked at each other with extreme pessimism and collectively exchanged, "Oh yes you will. You already had two days off this year because of the wind storm. There's no way they are going to give you the day off tomorrow just because a few flakes are falling from the sky." As if our reply was much more than she bargained for, she hastily replied, "What's wrong with you guys? Can't you ever pretend anymore?" We looked at each other with a "Let me...oh please let me" expression on our faces, knowing how desperately each of us wanted to answer the question. But Gregg's words got out of the gate more rapidly than mine could. "No, Faith, we can't pretend anymore. We don't know how. We live in too much reality right now." I knew what he was referring to and I knew it would be years before she would ever understand how much an adult sometimes longs to return to the land of make believe and pretending. The boat left the pier long ago and has no instrumentation to return. That is just the way life is.

Faith's question echoed in my mind for a few days afterward. "Can't you ever pretend anymore??" I don't know. I guess I can't. I have forgotten how. What used to be so second nature when I was a kid has been replaced by the weight of reality. It's hard to believe I was ever proficient at pretending. There is very little trace of it now.

It's funny that Faith was the one to call us on the carpet about pretending. Unfortunately for her (and maybe for all of us too), her days of pretending are downright over. Being a newly christened teenager, with each day that passes, reality inches its way closer and closer to her. Hopie still has a few years left. But pretty soon the Hesterhouse will be filled with reality instead of sprinklings of pretenders here and there. I don't like the thought of that. In all "reality," I don't like that reality.

I think the next time it starts snowing, and the girls are hopeful of a potential snow day, I should jump aboard their "pretending bandwagon." How much harm does it really cause to be more optimistic? I think that is something I need to work on. Optimism is not the opposite of reality. It is just a better, healthier way of looking at things. It's the truth. I'm not pretending.