Stay....just a little bit longer

WOW!!! It's been a while!! Maybe I should reintroduce myself. "Hello, I am the Hestermomma." Authorities in Blogland suggest you never break this long from writing. You'll lose your readership. People won't stay loyal to your blog. It is frustrating for the reader to continually see the same entry unchanged on the page. This hiatus I have inadvertently taken certainly wasn't intentional. Life at the Hesterhome has been extremely busy. Case in point... Tonight, we are having our first night together as a family since January 30th. Those are standards we are not comfortable with...but it has been just one of those seasons. As much as I don't like it, there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it.

And here is another thing which we are working on that we don't like. It is the fact that Gregg and I are creatures of habit and we are probably the most predictable people on the face of the earth. If it weren't for the promptings of well meaning family members, we would have probably never gone to half the places we have been to, both as a couple and as a family. Honestly, I think this frustrates me more than it does Gregg. Maybe it is because he gets to travel for his job while I hold down the fort. Maybe that is why he loves to be a predictable homebody. Of course, as always, I digress. We are trying to plan something special for our...ahem...should I really say it...40th birthdays. We are 5 days apart to the year, and this one will be especially tough as my husband will be married to a 40 year old while still basking proudly in his 30's. Totally unjust!!

We have been mulling this idea of going away for our birthdays for quite a while. We will talk a little bit about it...then life will get in the way, and it will be tabled for days...mostly weeks, until we revisit the subject again. Now that the birthdays are nearing and you only turn 40 once (thank goodness!), we are feeling some self-imposed pressure to "land somewhere" with our ideas. There are so many things that must occur before you can go anywhere. First and foremost, you have to find a safe place for your precious ones to stay while you are away. You don't want to impose on someone, but without local family, you are forced to succumb to the generosity of sweet friends. So, we've got that covered. Then there is that little annoying detail of money. This we don't have covered...at least not covered in abundance. We have a small budget to work within, and I am grateful for that. Next you have to find somewhere that you would both enjoy discovering together. This is challenging for us. While we are alike in so many ways, we differ greatly on our definitions of relaxation. As my husband put it so eloquently on Facebook the other day, "She is 'Dah-ling, I love you but give me Park Avenue,' and I am 'farm livin'is the life for me.'" Nailing down something we would both enjoy experiencing together is not as easy as I would hope.

So, yesterday, I approached him with the idea of a "Stay-cation," and the moment the words came out, I regretted saying them. I saw his demeanor change...a sparkle present in his eye...a small smile formed out of the corner of his mouth. Oh no!!! He likes the idea!!! I can already tell!! He likes it a lot!! He started talking about all the benefits to the idea of a "stay-cation"....some I cannot get into here. From a budget perspective, he loved it!! He talked about how much more we could do and see if we just used the Hesterhome as the Hesterhotel instead. And then my heart sank. I wanted to tell him how lame we are as a couple. How unadventurous we have become, ummm, always been. But as I have thought about the idea more and more...even gone on ExperienceColumbus.com, I am getting kind of excited about the idea. It kind of sounds like fun.

I haven't told him yet that I am on board with this idea. I am sure he is thinking "If you didn't like the idea in the first place, why did you even suggest it?" Such a woman thing to do, isn't it? Suggest something, but not really mean it. Or is it simply a "woman approaching 40" thing to do??!!! If so, it might be a rough decade around here. "Oh where, oh where have my 20s and 30s gone? Oh where, oh where can they be???" (Sung to the tune of "Oh where has my little dog gone?")

The Misnomer of Sin Lite- Half the Disobedience, with little consequences

I have been thinking a lot about David lately. It's not that he is taking over the rightful place where my husband should be in my thoughts...but he comes pretty close. I have come to the place in my study where David spends too much time feasting his eyes upon Bathsheba and plunges to the depths of sin like he never had before. (Don't you think it is weird that she happened to be taking a "Bath" on a rooftop, and her name just happens to be BATHsheba? I've always wondered about that.) In previous chapters detailing David's life in 1 and 2 Samuel, he triumphs in everything he does because he is a humble man after God's own heart. He experiences success upon success in his life, all the while recognizing the sole source of his prosperity comes from God and God alone. He understood this clearly...he got it...he lived it...and yet somewhere along the way, he lost sight of the benefits of obedience to God and His protection. And when he lost sight, he lost sight in undeniable ways. He stole another man's wife, he slept with her, got her pregnant, tried to trick her husband, then had him murdered, and went on with his life like nothing had ever happened. After the "proper" amount of grieving time had been allotted, he even had Bathsheba move in with him. Who was this guy? It's incredibly hard to recognize who David was at his core after all that had "gone down" in such a short amount of time. I wonder if he even recognized himself. Had he traveled so far from God in thought and deed that even he couldn't remember what his life with God once looked like?

I can think of a lot of things that scare me in life...probably the very same things that worry you at times. But something that ranks very high on that list is the ravages of my sin....the consequences of my sin...the ramifications of my sin. And maybe more importantly, the thought of knowing that I might just willingly walk into it, if my sinful heart so desires. An extremely dangerous place to be. Literally makes my heart pound faster just thinking about it.

When I read about David, I don't stand in judgment...I read it as if he were me. And it is pretty easy to do (except for the fact that he was a man) because of our commonality of sin. As much as I don't want to identify with his mistakes, I can. Mine look different, but the results needed are still the same....forgiveness from God, sprinkled with the judgement of His Holiness. Because of His love for David, He couldn't allow the behavior and the choices to go without accountability. And He will do the same for me. I know it and I have experienced it.

I wonder if David took these choices (sin) that he made regarding his infatuation for Bathsheba lightly. Did he realize how one act "snowballed" into many equally devastating choices? Did he give any consideration to how God was feeling about his new path in life? How lightly do I take my own sin? How often do I take the time to confess my impure thoughts, words, and deeds to God? Do I subconsciously save the act of repentance just for the "big" stuff...the full calorie "Fat Sin?" Isn't all sin "fat?" None of it is "lite." It is all equally as devastating, isn't it?

I love how God doesn't walk away from David ("I will never leave you nor foresake you") and wash His hands of him. He shares the outcome of David's sin with him...because of His love for him. As a result of David's choices, God shares that "the sword will never depart from your house." (Meaning killing and murder will always be a part of his family) And it was. As I think about my own sin, I wonder what swords are a part of my life because of the sin choices I have made. Pondering this has caused me to speculate specifically what some of my own swords might be, although it has never been confirmed by the words of God Himself in my case. (David was privileged to hear from God specifically on that.) I just know they are there.

For these long-winded reasons listed above, I cannot take my sin lightly. As much as I would humanly like to, there is nothing "lite" about my sin. I must strive for obedience knowing that I will never attain it fully, even in all my heartful attempts. I am grateful that there is the hope of forgiveness, the promise of God's best for me in my life, even when I clearly don't deserve anything remotely that good. I'm tired of living in a sinful world. I am tired of my own sin. Do you ever feel that way? If only something much different had taken place in that garden so many, many years ago. You know...I'd really like to pass the "sin buck" to Eve and her apple. It is in my very nature to do so. :)

Something I am "passion"ate about

In this coffee-crazed, Starbucks status, $5 cup of java world, one might feel pressured to drink coffee even if they didn't like it, just to be "cool." I have never been interested in even trying coffee. Coffee is for my grandparents....I am just too young to drink it. But sometimes I would like something warm to drink in the winter which is not full of calories like hot chocolate or lattes. So, just recently I took the plunge and decided to try hot tea instead. I love it, I love it, I love it!!!! My food knowledgeable friend Brenda says that it is healthy for you, especially those that don't contain caffeine. Tea has no calories (unless you add sugar) and it has those very needed antioxidants for healthy whatevers. There are so many flavors to chose from....there is bound to be one that you would like. My ultimate favorite is "Passion" by Tazo. You must try it!! You can spend the same amount for a tea bag of it at Starbucks...or you can by a whole box of it at Meijer. It is excellent, and for fussy drinkers like myself, you just can't beat a hot cup of "Passion." I am recommending it to all my friends. And....four out of five dentists surveyed recommend Tazo's Passion Tea for their patients who chew tea. Now those are some convincing statistics!!! Give it a try....and tell em the Hesterwoman sent you.

It was "Totally Tubular"......in a way

Last night, I had the pleasure of having our EPIC HS Girls over for a Movie Night at the Hester-theater. It seemed like perfect timing....no school the next day for MLK. They could stay as long as they wanted without the fear of having to go to school the next day. And what else does a teen girl have to do on a cold winter's Sunday night in suburban Columbus?? We chose "13 Going on 30" as our selection for Movie Night. I had seen this movie once before, by myself, one Saturday afternoon, and I must tell you it is completely different watching it with a group of texting savvy teenagers who have no "respect" for what it is like growing up in the 80's. :)

"13 Going on 30" is the female version of "Big" if you haven't seen it before. Definitely worth seeing. Throughout the movie, the girls commented on the atrocity of our hairstyles, the bold loud colors of our clothing, not to mention ridiculous music we listened to. I knew we were deep in the pit of a huge generation gap when I had to explain to them the incredible musical milestone of the video "Thriller." After viewing a segment of the movie with the "King of Pop" flashing on the screen, one teen innocently asked "What's up with Michael Jackson?" It seemed we had no choice but to stop the movie for a much needed dissertation on the sheer relevance of the Thriller album ("What's an album?" they would ask) back in the
80's. And the glove....should I even take the time to go into the glove and when Michael himself strangely caught on fire during filming a Pepsi ad? Could they relate? Would they even understand? Should I go so far as to share the "phenomenon" of the moon walk? Would they treat it with the respect necessary? Would that be too much to ask?

Sprinkled throughout the movie was the soundtrack of my teen years with songs by the Go-Go's, Talking Heads, and sadly, Madonna. At times, I felt so old as we watched the movie, much like my mom must have felt when she would listen to AM Radio with us in our Chevy Vega, with a smile on her face, humming to "My Boyfriend's Back and you're going to be in trouble." Sing it with me, "Hey-la, Hey-la, my boyfriend's back." Music has a way of taking you back in time, doesn't it? It has a mysterious power to remind you of who you were, and what was important to you at the time the song was at its most popular. I wonder how today's music will effect this group of teens as they age. Will they look back at their songs fondly like we did? (What are their songs, anyway. I have no idea.) Will the music still have the power to paint a picture for them of their teen years? I suppose it does with every generation. Maybe my grandma is even taken back in time when she listens to Glenn Miller. I know I am.

Didn't it just seem like yesterday we were teasing our bangs and plastering them with hairspray? Wasn't it just the other day when I put on my leg warmers and tied my shoes with multi-colored shoe laces with sayings printed on them? And didn't I just put on my tapered jeans rolled up tightly around the ankles? I guess much time has passed and I didn't even realize it. Although, if you look around lately, it seems that the skinny jeans are coming back. Oh why, oh why, must we succumb to that trend once again??? This is one body that can not and will not do those jeans ever again. They are soooooo grody to the max.

In all seriousness, I truly enjoyed my time spent with the girls last night and witnessing their take on a generation that is as foreign to them as speaking Vietnamese. And now, I must humbly join the ranks of generations before me who struggled greatly in sharing the relevance of their growing up years to those misunderstanding "youngsters" below them. Make room for me, Mom. It's my turn now.

A Birthday Present of the Ridiculous Kind

This year happens to be a milestone of sorts for me. It is soooo not a big deal to the trillions of people that have done it before me, but for some reason, to me, it just is. "Word on the street" is that I will be turning 40 soon. I honestly can't understand how 40 years of my life have already been documented in the annals of Hesterhistory, but it is true. I can't stop it. I can't deny it. And, I just can't believe it. How can someone who was graduating from college just the other day...someone who had the "whole world before her," now suddenly turn 40??? Is this some kind of a trick, a figment of my imagination, a time warp of sorts?? If memory serves correctly, I just learned to tie my shoes, ride a bike without training wheels, and drink kool-aid without a lid. Or maybe that was my girls I am thinking of. Great!!! Senility is already setting in and I haven't even official hit the BIG 4-0 yet.

People talk about how great 40 is. Oprah had been bragging about it for years...that is, until she turned 50. They say what a peaceful time it is in one's life. A time of serenity, hope, and contentment. Things that are hard to imagine from where I am sitting. I see it as a time of living with two teenage girls who will eventually graduate and leave for college. I see it as a time where more wrinkles appear, where things which have already started moving south, will continue to do so. Where they will stop, nobody knows!!!! (Do you know what I am saying??) A time when people will ask my age and instead of saying, "No, you're kidding," they will simply respond abruptly with, "Oh, I thought so." What is serene, peaceful, or hopeful about that?????

I really say all this with a hint of humor. I trust you sense that. This is something I cannot change, and I hope to "embrace" at some point. But to take the sting off of it just a little, I thought it might be fun to celebrate the number 40 before it actually gets here...before the point of no return. This is a birthday present of the ridiculous kind. Here goes:

There are many of you who read my blog who come from places on the map which I have never been to. Some of these towns/cities I have never heard of, yet you are faithful to read my random thoughts each week. I am very grateful. I would love to know who you are. In celebration of the great number 40, I would like to challenge my "readership" to join my blog as a follower (see side column under comments). I would love to reach the number 40, for my own 40th next month. Silly goal, but at least it makes turning 40 just a little bit fun!!! Come on!! I know you can do it!!!

Completion of Week #1- Attempting to overcome self

This past week has been really exciting while intentionally giving each day to God and seeing what He is going to do with it. Some days have been more serving oriented than others, but my challenge of looking to meet the needs of others has been so unexpected and thrilling. Each experience has been unique. Gives me butterflies just thinking about it.

The ultimate challenge to overcoming self and pouring instead into the lives of others, is to not make this a "look what wonderful things I am doing" thing. In other words, in my attempts to not make life "all about me," focusing on the great things that I am doing, brings me right back to the place of elevating self. This so defeats the purpose. This needs to be all about God and nothing less.

Today, in my David study, I was reading in 2 Samuel how often David gave God the glory and honor for everything that happened in his life. In a time of leadership when it would have been SO EASY to say "Look what I have done," he always brought the emphasis back to God. This is a "man after God's own heart" in action. Although we know from David's history, that his walk with God didn't always look this way, at this point in his life, he got it right. Everything about him pointed others to the magnificence of God.

I got an interesting email from one of the Blog Friends this week. If she lived closer, I would SO take her to lunch. I can tell we would have some awesome conversations together. She lives out of state, but she is taking this Overcoming Self challenge quite seriously. The story that she shared with me through her email of how God was using her this particular week was incredibly inspirational and unexpected for her. I could tell she was blown away by the unmatched creativity of her Father, in His idea of how He would use her to be His hands and feet this week. Can't wait to hear from her again next week!!!

I also have a local friend who is joining me in the challenge. Her heart is huge...and she would give every minute of her life to serve other people, if she wasn't teaching precious 2nd graders about the love of God and the importance of academics. She is meeting a need for a family of one of her students right now. She would do this anyway, whether she was trying to challenge herself or not. But I can see she is looking around her everyday, asking God, "What will you do with me today?" This is so cool!!!!

I have some unique opportunities for next week, already being laid out. I am so excited about this!!!! Maybe God will change those...maybe He will keep them the same. But I pray He will continually purge the parts of me that are soooo "all about me" and that His radiance will shine brightly over those inadequacies. I have but one life...and it feels so good to use it for Him.

Seasons in the Sun-Part 2

Please read Part 1 of this post first, under 1/9/09-


Last Sunday night, I sat in my living room across from a friend I hadn't spent time with in eons. She surprised me that night by just "showing up," and I was so elated. I may be exaggerating a little here, but that statement, "a friend I hadn't spent time with in eons", could describe just about anyone in my life. You could insert any friend's name in that sentence and it would be true. We spent a good hour and a half sharing morsels of one another's lives....engaging in healthy reciprocating conversation like a tennis match of words, thoughts, and simply life. It was unbelievably refreshing and I felt so energized as she left. She had given the unexpected gift of time and conversation to me that night....and I didn't even have to beg her for it. It felt good. Really good.

One of the topics we touched on that evening, was this concept of "seasons of friendship" which I was referring to in yesterday's post. It seems that I am not "alone" in feeling "alone." In fact, there are countless of us in this current stage of life that say we feel alone. Our lives are jammed packed full of activities, obligations, and schedules. Before we know it, every idea that seemed good at the time has now become just another plate to keep spinning in the air. And we are overwhelmed. Our heads hit our pillows each night and we praise our God for the gift of sleep, only to be rudely interrupted by our morning alarm, seemingly just minutes later. And then we ask ourselves, "How did I get here? And where did everybody go???"

There are no simple answers to this situation we find ourselves in as mothers of school-age children and the lack of time we have for deep, meaningful friendships. We are here, and we don't like it....but what are we going to do about it? I can tell you one thing we are not going to do. We are not going to sit around watching this one life which God has given us pass us by without the blessing of "iron sharpening iron" friendships. We are going to look around and reconnect with these friendships that were so very important to us in our past, when our babies were young and with us all the time. We are going to let people know how much we love them and appreciate them. We are once again going to laugh with them, and cry with them. We are going to live life with them....it just may have to look a little differently. And at the end of the day, that same weary head will hit the pillow, instead with a spirit refreshed by the blessing of having others caring about your life and you doing the same for them.

A Side Note of Applicability- Tonight, some old friends who are longing to reconnect with one another are going to see a movie and go out to eat. Maybe people do this all the time. Maybe others make time together a priority. Maybe others have a handle on their schedules. But this situation is unique to us. We haven't done this before.....but I hope we do it again.