College Roadtrip

Funny how things from the past can come to the forefront of your mind when you least expect it. I'm not sure if that is a tool of Satan's in his masterful way of accusing, or just God's sweet way of saying "Look how much I have done in your life." Sometimes it is difficult to tell initially.

Last Thursday night, I got an unexpected email through Facebook from my roommate in college. We haven't spoken in 18 years...not because of a falling out...just because of life, I suppose. It was a bit of a shock to hear from her, yet it was exciting to hear some of the things that have taken place in her life since our carefree college days. When I sat down at the laptop to formulate my response, my mind had trouble narrowing down exactly what to say. There has been SO MUCH that has taken place in my life since college....the most important being God. I mean, honestly, where do you begin? I could tell her about marrying Gregg....I could tell her about all the moves we have made due to Gregg's career...I would most definitely tell her about our babies...but what about the "real" stuff of the last 18 years?? The person who closed our dorm room door behind her for the last time in 1991, is forever gone. How do you narrow the gap of time with just mere words? Would it be right to leave out the most significant change that has occurred in my life the last 18 years? And how strange would it be for her to hear about my life now with God, when her only memories of me would clearly be of someone who did not know Him at all?

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Two days later, Gregg and I worked the OSU/Purdue Football game. Our church has a concession booth where a portion of our sales goes to missions. We do this every year together, and have a fun time doing it. But there is something that ALWAYS happens to me when I work these games. (And as I begin to think how I will describe this to you, I wonder if any of you can relate.) Being at the OSU game throws me obviously smack dab in the middle of the college scene--that completely self-centered time when you foolishly believe the world truly revolves around you. I see surrounding me once familiar attitudes and actions, and it is disturbing for me to revisit those. I see my "once absorbed" self in almost every college girl that walks up to our counter....whether inebriated or sober. I imagine what it would be like to have a "heart to heart" with these girls...to let them into my life...give them a glimpse of the things that I have been graciously forgiven by God for...to share with them The Answer to the inner turmoil they are trying to escape. As I slide their super nachos with cheese and an overpriced Coke across the counter, I would love to ask them "Would you like God with that?" I serve at the game with a willing heart, yet walk away with incredibly sore feet and waivering thoughts of wishing I could have touched just one life while I was there.

As I pull the covers tightly to me in my bed after a long day of Brutus dogs and salted pretzels, I have concerns that all this recent brain inundation of college stuff might intrude upon my sleep life. I ask myself if these feelings mean nothing, or could they be indicative of something more. Surely, I do believe I am forgiven for my incredible stupidity of the past. God, in all His grace and mercy, has released me of those chains. But why can't I go to these games, or be contacted by a former roommate without having to "go back to college" in my mind?

Life will go on...and except for the transcript of my blog, I will probably forget that I was dwelling upon these things. That is, of course, until the next round of accusations come from the father of lies. What's most important here is giving God the honor and praise for taking a gray, lumpy piece of clay, and molding it and shaping it into something beautiful. How I long to see the finished product someday!!!!