From the Mixed-up Chronicles of "BAD MOM"

It is only Monday morning, the beginning of a new week, and I have already securely pinned on the self imposed title of "Bad Mom" today. How I disdain bearing the title this early in the week!!!! I can handle it on a Wednesday if I have to....don't bat an eye if I slip it on Friday, but to don the title at this fresh point in the calendar rotation, I feel like I am dubiously sporting a Scarlet "B". In simple terms, I hate when I let my girls down. I get frustrated when I can't blame my failures on anybody but me. And that is where I am at this morning. The burden falls squarely here. This is where the proverbial buck stops.

I was supposed to get Faith up early to study for an English test. She was working on Pre-Algebra last night with Gregg and when it was my turn to take over, Faith was too spent and went to bed. I was secretly relieved. I am much better in the morning anyway. We could work on it then. This is the point in the story when "BAD MOM" makes her less than royal appearance. Instead of getting her up early, I spent time cuddling with Hopie...and praying with God. I know it sounds all sweet and spiritual...but I should have gotten my lazy cheeks off the couch. When I finally did get her up to study, we had about 30 minutes to pack it all in. She was stressed and I let her down. In the spare minutes we had, I tried to stuff "Schoolhouse Rock" into her brain, by having her sit and watch "Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your adverbs here" over and over again on DVD. It was clear to me in just my few minutes of assessment, that adverbs were going to give her a run for her money on this test. She could have gotten so mad at me....but she didn't. I just knew I had disappointed her greatly, and therefore disappointed myself.

So here I sit at my computer wishing so desperately that I could ask for her forgiveness once again. Gregg will be disappointed with me too. That is a conversation I will have to save for later. We are a team...the Hesterfamily. And this player didn't carry her weight this morning. I didn't contribute to a win. I missed the goal...made a basket for the wrong team (actually did this once)...committed a penalty that set my team back. Hopefully, there will be someone standing on the sidelines with a blanket of grace to wrap around me and a mercy-filled bottle of Gatorade in hand. That is what I feel like I need the most right now. Hopefully, I have extended enough grace to my baby over the years that she knows how to give it right back to "Bad Mom." Our team could just volley that ball back and forth to one another. Guaranteed it will be needed for another day...another player.