Parenting in the Dark

I have found the best heartfelt conversations I have with my husband are in the early hours of the morning....before the day starts, before the girls are up, and before my mind has been cluttered with the busyness of the day. Recently, our early morning discussions have been centered around our concern of "parenting in the dark" (Definition: Mistakenly thinking your child is a moral, kind-hearted, upstanding young person, while everyone else around them is clearly aware of a major flaw in their character....the kind of flaw that makes them difficult to get along with, etc.) We love our babies....and we try really hard to "train them up in the way they should go" but sometimes we wonder what other eyes (teachers, friends, people we are "living life" with) are seeing in our girls that we may be missing along the way.

I am in the process of asking some friends if I can borrow their eyes for a few years. I am not asking them to bear the responsibility of raising my girls....that's my job. But I am giving them complete freedom to come to me when they see something that causes them alarm. Because if it causes red flags in their minds, I am pretty sure it is going to in mine as well. The more eyes, the better. I think it is really important to have other adults-besides your parents- that you feel accountable to in some way. This is what I am praying for.

It is not easy to hear of behavior in your children that isn't making your parental radar screen. But awareness trumps parental pride. Parenting in the dark has long term ramifications I am not comfortable with. Give me a spot light and some extra 20/20....and I will be grateful. In the long run, I know my girls will be too.