A Display of Disappointment

dis·ap·point·ment /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/ –noun
1.
the act or fact of disappointing: All of his efforts only led to the disappointment of his supporters.
2.
the state or feeling of being disappointed: Her disappointment was very great when her family couldn't come for a visit.
3.
a person or thing that disappoints: The play was a disappointment.

Is it ok to display disappointment in front of your kids? Is it ok for them to see you emotional....especially when it has nothing to do with them? This morning, I did just that.....and as much as I mentally tried to gain control of my emotions (i.e. conversation in my head of "Don't do this....don't do this), I couldn't keep it contained and the flood gate of tears opened. We were on our way to school when I received a call from my mom with the news that they would not be able to come down this weekend due to a winter storm we have coming in tomorrow. I have been so busy getting prepared for their visit, in addition to single parenting this week, that I haven't kept a close eye on the weather. And it wouldn't matter if I did, because this is Central Ohio, and we never seem to get exactly what they are forecasting.

I have been battling with the "distance factor" lately. I am the only one in my extended family who doesn't live in Michigan. There has been a lot going on within my family recently, and I have deeply wished I could be there to love on them and give them encouragement. Even though we are just over four hours away, the day to day needs I cannot help with, and I struggle with how to show I care about their circumstances this far away. So, I was looking forward to serving my family in some capacity here in my home this weekend. I was anticipating making memories with them here, at our house, which doesn't get to happen very often. And as if my disdain for winter wasn't enough (see last post), now Winter has one final say in whether my family can risk the trip here or not.....which I do not want them to do.

As I returned home from dropping the girls off at school, I drove the whole way home without the radio on (rare for me), just processing the news and my display of disappointment in front of my girls. Before dropping them off, Faith kept rubbing my hand in the van saying, "It's ok, Momma, you will see them again soon. We can go up for Spring Break." I appreciate her consolation, but I don't want her to feel responsible for my happiness. Do I want my girls to see my humanness? Yes...and no. They saw it today.....and I hope it doesn't taint their view of me and the woman in which I strive to be.