I have been toying with writing about this subject for a while....but I "chicken out" every time. It is somewhat revealing....shows some vulnerability....and I feel like I have a tendency to regret my attempts at transparancy from time to time. I have been thinking about "seasons of friendships" lately and I wonder if any of you can agree with some of my "less proven" observations.
It all started with a book I checked out recently from the library entitled "I"ll bring the chocolate: Satisfying a woman's craving for friendship and faith." In the book, which is fairly light-hearted if you can't tell by the title, the author talks about a woman's deep need for friendships and how much she benefits from those relationships in her life. Of course, in most anything I read, I begin to evaluate my own life and how the information correlates with how I think or how I might feel. I love friendships....always have. I felt a connection with what I was reading in "Chocolate"....made some non-verbal "amens to that" in my head, but at times I felt like I was reading about a different culture or possibly a different season of friendships than what I am in now. If this is so true among women, where is everybody?
When I was in the season of early mothering (i.e. newborn, toddler, and even preschool years), it seemed very easy to have a close group of friends walking through life with you. Of course, my views on this may be tainted. It may not be the norm. At this time in my life, I was experiencing true "Christ-following" friendships for the first time in my life, and I was living in Oklahoma...the land of true hospitality. Friendships just didn't seem that difficult to find or maintain for that matter. We were all "at home moms," who were experiencing the sheer joy and sometimes trials of early motherhood for the first time. We would get together for play dates, make some peanut butter sandwiches for the kids, and even lift each other up in prayer together, if the little ones where playing nicely and not biting one another. These friendships were significant for me. I needed them more than I ever knew at the time. My husband was gone most of the time with the Navy and the companionship was truly a gift from God.
Unfortunately, that season for me has been over for quite some time. My girls are in school full time and one will be entering junior high next year. Their biting days are long over. They won't even touch peanut butter and jelly anymore. They still have play dates, but where are mine? I work part-time as a substitute teacher at their school and have for the last 4 years. The busyness of life has increased. The demands of motherhood are definitely different than the early days, yet they are still there. But what hasn't changed in me is my need for friendships. Am I weird? Is there something wrong with me? Does my craving for friendships mean that I am weak? Should I be content with husband, 2 daughters, and cat only? Maybe a true Christ-follower should only need God. But Jesus thrived on friendships Himself. If I voice my "need" for friendships, do I appear "needy?"
I decided to ask a few friends in my life where they were in their own friendships....outside of me, of course. :) Were they content? Did they feel like they wished they had more time with people? Were they noticing seasonal changes in their friendships (i.e. early motherhood vs. current motherhood)? Did they feel alone? My study of sorts doesn't have a large "cue" of women yet. There are only a few people I have asked such deep questions of evaluation. But at this point in my "study," there has been a unanimous sound of "yes" to the question of "Do they feel alone?" Why is that? What is keeping us from having deep friendships with women like we used to? Is it work? Is it our kids' activities? Is it keeping the homefront operational and functioning? Is it our overcommitment to life? What is it?
You must know that I will regret writing this as soon as I push the "publish post" button. I might have to go back in and delete it all together if I feel like I have been too revealing. You also must know that I truly appreciate the friendships I do have. But I am a "question-asker" by nature. I don't think it is bad to evaluate things in your life from time to time. I guess that is what I am doing....I am evaluating my own life, and wondering if there is anyone out there who might agree....might be asking themselves the same questions. If you can relate, what kind of answers are you coming up with?
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