and my life has never been the same since. Oh, believe me...I know all mothers say that about their children. It has been said so much, it has lost its meaning...as if there is no power behind the statement. And that is unfortunate, because for me, it comes from the heart. I really mean it. My life hasn't been the same since, because so much centered around this child's birth. Not that all births do not have the fingerprints of God...because they do. I love that about Him. But God spoke in so many ways in my life regarding her life-it is part of my testimony as His child. And to honor what He did back in 1995, I want to share. I feel compelled to share. I want to scream it from the rooftops, because I am still in awe of what He has done. The beautiful "aroma" of this God-gift hasn't lost its scent, even after 13 years. He was and is so good. Please step back with me a moment in time, if you would......
I was a relatively new believer in Christ when I began to pray for a baby. You see, my history with getting pregnant and staying pregnant was not good. I had already had two miscarriages by the time we reached YEAR 3 in our marriage. I shed many, many tears over this and I knew my probability for having a successful pregnancy wasn't very high. It was my first battle with God as a baby Christ-follower....in other words, my heart and mind were screaming "I want this, why won't You give it to me, God?" While going through my first Bible Study ever with a group of friends in Oklahoma, they talked candidly about this concept of journaling your prayers with God. Kind of like written documentation of conversations you had with Him regarding things in your life. This was a foreign concept to me....but I thought I would try it, no matter how strange it felt.
I was a relatively new believer in Christ when I began to pray for a baby. You see, my history with getting pregnant and staying pregnant was not good. I had already had two miscarriages by the time we reached YEAR 3 in our marriage. I shed many, many tears over this and I knew my probability for having a successful pregnancy wasn't very high. It was my first battle with God as a baby Christ-follower....in other words, my heart and mind were screaming "I want this, why won't You give it to me, God?" While going through my first Bible Study ever with a group of friends in Oklahoma, they talked candidly about this concept of journaling your prayers with God. Kind of like written documentation of conversations you had with Him regarding things in your life. This was a foreign concept to me....but I thought I would try it, no matter how strange it felt.
One of the first things I petitioned God about in my journal was having a baby. The other was my struggle with Gregg being gone so much with the Navy. Both had equal "air time" with God. While my friends were avid prayer-warriors, I would sporadically write in my prayer journal. Sometimes, days...even weeks would go by without me lifting anything up to God, yet longing for a baby remained a constant in my heart. One day, however, I felt a shift in my trust level with God. I watched myself write in my prayer journal, "God, whatever You will is regarding a baby, I am fine with. I know You know what is best for me." And I left it at that. I went on with life comfortable in my first "faith walk" with God. For once in my life, I let something go and I gave it over completely to God.
A few weeks went by. I began to feel strange. Something wasn't right with me. I dismissed the thought of being pregnant, because it just wasn't something I was focusing on anymore. But as time passed, it occurred to me I better take a pregnancy test. I dreaded doing this. It was as if I was taking a few steps backwards in my "faith walk." I wanted to say to God, "Look, I have made great strides in this area of my life....and I can't go back to having this on my mind all the time. You have brought me to a good place with this. I can't allow myself to be open to the possibility. It is too painful."
The test came back positive and I stood in the bathroom dumbfounded. Gregg was deployed with the Navy again, so there was no one around to share it with. I couldn't tell my friends, because I had learned my lesson two miscarriages ago, to keep my mouth shut about the pregnancies. It was just too difficult to go back to people and tell them the pregnancies were over. So, when Gregg did finally come home, we mutually decided to keep the news to ourselves. That way, when the pregnancy ended, we could grieve alone, and not have to explain anything to others. (Selfish thinking, I know.)
Weird thing about it....month after month went by with no miscarriage. I was completely shocked and scared. By Month 4, it occurred to both of us, that we probably should start sharing this incredible news with family and friends, because clothes were starting to fit tightly, and it was becoming a little obvious. Still extremely cautious, we began to share....and it felt good to do so. Friends were so genuinely happy for us. They celebrated this news with us, and I felt what it truly meant to be a part of a body of believers....part of community, for the very first time. I had no idea how important this group of people were going to be in the days to come.
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