F-A-I-T-H

I utter the word many times a day without even thinking about it. Sometimes I even yell it. Having a daughter with the name of "Faith" should make me an expert at "being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see." But I am not an expert....I don't remotely have it mastered. I struggle with it more now, than I ever did. And let me be sure to clarify. It is not the belief in God that I struggle with. I believe with all my being in my God....my Father...my Provider...my Adonai. But what I am coming to realize through spending some time in Hebrews 11, through my "Whispers of Hope" devotional by Beth Moore (yes, still doing that...see February archives for more info), is the following revelation:

I am placing my "faith" in what God does, rather than who He is.

What does this mean? It is simply this: I base how I feel about God (or the intensity of my relationship with Him)on what I see, rather than on what I know about Him and who He is. I feel close to God when I am able to see things that He is doing, recognizing His hand in them. But when I think He should be acting upon something and I don't see it for myself, my "faith" takes a beating. I allow this to happen. My "faith" in the situation plummets...it plunges. I become cynical. I become removed...detached. I feel as if I am going through the motions of my walk with God. I become the poster child of "works without faith" as opposed to "faith without works." Which one is worse, I am honestly unsure of.

I have been particularly plagued by a certain situation for almost two years now, which fits this pattern of behavior in me to a "T." Before this situation occurred, I don't think I saw this "faith deprivation" so apparent...so real within me. But "they" say, "identifying the problem is half the battle." Now I will need God to fight the rest of the battle for me. Here is what I have found insightful so far.:

*If we place our faith in what God is doing, we should brace ourselves for a life-long roller coaster ride. Our faith will be high and mighty one day and free-falling the next.

*Our faith disintegrates because it is based on what God appears to be doing.

*Faith founded on God's apparent actions is not faith at all.

*Our faith must rest on God's identity, not His activity.

*Victorious faith walks evolve from seeking Him.

*When you don't know what God is doing, you can find stability in Who He is.

Maybe you aren't able to identify with any of the above. If not, I am sincerely happy for you...and if we are being completely authentic, I am also jealous of you. (But we can save that sin for another day.) As much as I pray for deliverance of my many fears, I also long to be freed from this sticky web as well. I am grateful to God for bringing it to my attention. I am grateful of the ability to see it within myself, and to fight against it. For all He was, He is, and is to come, He deserves the very most of that from me. And the next time I say my daughter's name, it will have a new significance within me. "Faith, clean your room." Faith, did you brush your teeth?" "Faith, can you set the table?" "Faith, come cuddle with me." "Faith, I love you."