Cookie Dough and Consequences

My Grandma was born and raised in the South…deep in the hollers of central Tennessee. Her upbringing was humble, yet filled with love. When she was 17, she fell in love and married my Grandpa, an Army Projectionist, stationed in TN during WWII. He was a “Yankee” and quickly whisked her off to Michigan after the war. She returned to her Southern roots as often as she could through the years, but to this day, still resides in the North, complete with sprinklings of her once very pronounced Southern drawl.

When I was young, we would sit at my Grandma’s kitchen table, and watch snowflakes fall out her frost-covered Michigan windows. With her rolling pin, she would shape the most incredibly tasting cookie dough into a lopsided circle, and we would press Christmas themed cookie cutters firmly into the dough. While her back was turned, I would secretly tear off a “smidgeon” (this word conceived and born in the South) of the cookie dough, quickly placing it in my mouth before she would see. I would slowly let it melt in my mouth to keep the evidence of my “sin” from being detected.

My Grandma has always been a talker, and I mean that most respectfully. She can carry on a conversation with the best of them, and her endearing accent is just part of her charm. She is an encourager, a letter writer, a woman who could change any heart from sad to glad just by using simple words like “dumplin’, precious, honey, and sweetheart.” The words wrap you like a comfortable blanket from your childhood, and have the power to remove the worst of moods on a rainy day. She has other patterned words she uses as well, like “so forth and so on” and “tidily-winkers.” But probably one of the words she uses often that stands out to me most is the word “consequently.” I think of her every time I hear it.

Consequently is a word she always uses in her story-telling. It is the part in her stories when she is going to state the outcome, whether obvious or unknown - essentially her moral of the story, the crux if you will. In all the years I have heard her say it, I have never really thought that deeply of its meaning. But recently, I have been thinking of the consequences of some choices I have made in my life, and I understand all the more the very weight of the word.

Honestly, I don’t like the word consequence. I don’t like to hear it. And I only like to say it when I am parenting…and even that is a stretch. Con-se-quence. I oppose it. I fight it. I hate when the word and its results seem to tighten around me like a straightjacket. It is in my nature to despise it, because I love getting away with sin in my life. It feels better than getting something for free. Without consequences, I am “free to move about the cabin” – do whatever I want without the fear of repercussions. But I live in a world created by a just God. And because He is just and loving, He cannot and will not allow me to go unscathed by my choices. As elementary as it might sound, it is the very pain from the consequence that hopefully discourages me from doing it again.

As parents, we think consequence only applies to our kids. We foolishly think we have outgrown the word and its effects. But I see it played out in me and all around me- both in those that know Christ and those that don’t want any part of Him. God will remain just and sovereign regardless of how you feel about Him.

In Galatians 6:7-8 (The Message), Paul states “Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.” Maybe the New Living Translation says it even better. “Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.

So, consequently, how I live out my life matters. What I do with the designated amount of days God has ordained specifically for me has significant meaning. How I love, how I serve, how I engage my life with others matters. As much as I am forgiven for the choices I make (and believe me, I know this to be complete Truth), I still have a harvest of weeds I must contend with as a result. And I want my life to show more than that. I want to harvest things of beauty, things of worth, and things of love. I don’t want my legacy to be one of consequences. And I want those around me to benefit by my harvest -to not be hindered or affected negatively by my foolish tendencies.

Right now, I am in the middle of a consequence. So are you. Maybe it’s a positive one….maybe it is a result of something you have done that you wish you hadn’t. Be encouraged by the gift of forgiveness that God offers. And be thankful for the pain of consequence, which has the potential of changing patterns of behavior in our lives for good. Consequently, this reminds me that I am long overdue with a phone call to my Grandma. Wish we could be sitting at her kitchen table right now over some mighty tasty cookie dough.

Amazing, Astonishing, Overwhelmingly Wonderful Friday!

If I told you I sometimes struggle during the week approaching Easter Sunday, would you think less of me? I mean, after all, I am a child of God. I have been saved by grace. I am delivered. I have been made new. I am set free. By His wounds and by the very celebration of that infamous Third Day, I am healed. So, why do I feel sadness…even heartache, as we annually approach the remembrance of such a defining moment in the lives of those who know Jesus Christ?

In all honesty, I can’t stand that my sin caused Someone so perfect, so incredibly Holy, so innocent, so undeserving of such a vile death - to pay the ultimate price for wretched things I have done and most assuredly will do during this one life I have been given. It bothers me. I want to change it desperately. I want to rectify it. Make it right somehow. Maybe even go so far as to intentionally dedicate all my human determination just to live out ONE DAY without my natural bent toward sin - foolishly believing that if I try “really hard,” I just might accomplish holiness. But with all certainty, I will fail. I won’t achieve it no matter how much effort I put into it. This nature of mine will always be present, until I see The Remedy for my earthly battle face to face.

If I tried to analyze why Easter bothers me, I need to be a little more precise in my thinking. It’s not the day of Easter that surrounds me with sadness. It’s Good Friday that is difficult for me to experience. After all, according to John 19, we know that this is the day that Jesus was whipped. The day a crown of thorns were pressed firmly into His head. The moment in time He was slapped in the face and spit upon. Flogged. Beaten. The day He was crucified.

While others around Him had so much to say, so much to shout, scream, and chant, Jesus uttered few words that day. He had a minimal exchange of words with a wishy-washy leader named Pilate. He tried to share words of comfort with His mother Mary and His beloved disciple John, while the weight of His body sagged with gravity from a wooden cross – the very cross in which He had just struggled to carry on His own innocent shoulders. With little energy left in a ravaged, dying body, He simply uttered, “I’m thirsty.” Being offered a saturated sponge with sour wine for relief, Jesus died with His last words being, “It is finished.” Hallelujah!! Hallelujah!!

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I love the honest questions kids ask. No embarrassment. No shame - just simply wanting an answer to satisfy a wonder in their mind. One day, I had a 6th grader ask me, “If Jesus was crucified on Good Friday, why in the world do we call it ‘good?’ It seems very bad to me. Why don’t we call it Bad Friday?” What a great question!!! Something we have all probably wondered at one time or another in our journey with God. I replied to the student that labeling it “Bad Friday” wouldn’t work very well. It just doesn’t describe the day accurately. It does in a sense - because the torturous acts that Jesus endured were horrendous. No one would argue that. But if He hadn’t suffered in the ways that He did, I would be left in darkness, a life-long prisoner of my own sin. He did it so I could have life, and have life to the fullest. And that is GOOD!!! Yet, maybe the name “Good Friday” doesn’t cut it. What Jesus did that day is GREAT!! It is AWESOME!! It is AMAZING!! ASTONISHING!! WONDERFUL!! It is OVERWHELMING!! It is BEAUTIFUL!! And He did this for me! He did this for you! And that is what makes it so “good.” Because He is good. He was good then and He is good now.

Reminding myself of all this “Good Stuff” this morning, leads me to feel not so sad anymore…not so heartbroken. There is much to celebrate. Much to praise. And so much to be exceedingly grateful for.

The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
a scrubby plant in a parched field. There was nothing attractive about him,
nothing to cause us to take a second look. He was looked down on and passed over,
a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand. One look at him and people turned away.
We looked down on him, thought he was scum. But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us. We thought he brought it on himself,
that God was punishing him for his own failures. But it was our sins that did that to him,
that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins! He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
Through his bruises we get healed. We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost.
We've all done our own thing, gone our own way. And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong,
on him, on him.

Isaiah 53:2-6 The Message

Rockin' down the highway

Hopie and I shared a rare moment the other night while traveling to Michigan in celebration of my Grandparents' 65th Wedding Anniversary. It's not often that she sits "shotgun" in the truck, but in order to curb the high potential of car sickness,"ya do whacha gotta do." We were on a long stretch of I-94 between Detroit and Battle Creek, watching the yellow lines between lanes passing rapidly out of the corner of our eyes. We weren't in deep conversation....just mentally ranking the signs of activity with each exit we passed. The ipod was plugged into the lighter. No longer is their need to scan local stations in desperation of a "decent" song we can both listen to. The ipod allows for such incredible musical freedom when you're "rockin' down the highway." The ipod also gives my girl a very unique song list in comparison to most of her 5th grade "associates." We hummed along to "Lowrider" by War...listened to "What the man said" by Paul McCartney and Wings,...and danced to "Rubberband Man" by the Spinners while attached tightly to the seats by our seatbelts. But the memory I'll forever have in my mind was when we threw all inhibitions aside and belted out "Midnight Train to Georgia" at the top of our lungs...she being Gladys and I being a "Pip." Her melody was incredible, and I must say my backup lyrics were...ummm..trulyunprecedented by any historical "pip." It was a bonding moment...the smile on our faces a mile wide as we mistakenly changed lyrics, and added whole new meanings to the word "rhythm." And then...after 4 short minutes and 39 seconds, our moment on stage was over. She went back to being Hopie and I went back to being simply Hestermomma without even a hint of my former stature as a "Pip." We looked and smiled at one another when our few tender minutes of "fame" were over. We had experienced a rare gift together...nothing planned...no calendar activity being achieved. Just a simple stretch of highway forever changed by two goofy Hestergirls and the smiling face of God who delights in any "joyful noise" made by His children.

Stay....just a little bit longer

WOW!!! It's been a while!! Maybe I should reintroduce myself. "Hello, I am the Hestermomma." Authorities in Blogland suggest you never break this long from writing. You'll lose your readership. People won't stay loyal to your blog. It is frustrating for the reader to continually see the same entry unchanged on the page. This hiatus I have inadvertently taken certainly wasn't intentional. Life at the Hesterhome has been extremely busy. Case in point... Tonight, we are having our first night together as a family since January 30th. Those are standards we are not comfortable with...but it has been just one of those seasons. As much as I don't like it, there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it.

And here is another thing which we are working on that we don't like. It is the fact that Gregg and I are creatures of habit and we are probably the most predictable people on the face of the earth. If it weren't for the promptings of well meaning family members, we would have probably never gone to half the places we have been to, both as a couple and as a family. Honestly, I think this frustrates me more than it does Gregg. Maybe it is because he gets to travel for his job while I hold down the fort. Maybe that is why he loves to be a predictable homebody. Of course, as always, I digress. We are trying to plan something special for our...ahem...should I really say it...40th birthdays. We are 5 days apart to the year, and this one will be especially tough as my husband will be married to a 40 year old while still basking proudly in his 30's. Totally unjust!!

We have been mulling this idea of going away for our birthdays for quite a while. We will talk a little bit about it...then life will get in the way, and it will be tabled for days...mostly weeks, until we revisit the subject again. Now that the birthdays are nearing and you only turn 40 once (thank goodness!), we are feeling some self-imposed pressure to "land somewhere" with our ideas. There are so many things that must occur before you can go anywhere. First and foremost, you have to find a safe place for your precious ones to stay while you are away. You don't want to impose on someone, but without local family, you are forced to succumb to the generosity of sweet friends. So, we've got that covered. Then there is that little annoying detail of money. This we don't have covered...at least not covered in abundance. We have a small budget to work within, and I am grateful for that. Next you have to find somewhere that you would both enjoy discovering together. This is challenging for us. While we are alike in so many ways, we differ greatly on our definitions of relaxation. As my husband put it so eloquently on Facebook the other day, "She is 'Dah-ling, I love you but give me Park Avenue,' and I am 'farm livin'is the life for me.'" Nailing down something we would both enjoy experiencing together is not as easy as I would hope.

So, yesterday, I approached him with the idea of a "Stay-cation," and the moment the words came out, I regretted saying them. I saw his demeanor change...a sparkle present in his eye...a small smile formed out of the corner of his mouth. Oh no!!! He likes the idea!!! I can already tell!! He likes it a lot!! He started talking about all the benefits to the idea of a "stay-cation"....some I cannot get into here. From a budget perspective, he loved it!! He talked about how much more we could do and see if we just used the Hesterhome as the Hesterhotel instead. And then my heart sank. I wanted to tell him how lame we are as a couple. How unadventurous we have become, ummm, always been. But as I have thought about the idea more and more...even gone on ExperienceColumbus.com, I am getting kind of excited about the idea. It kind of sounds like fun.

I haven't told him yet that I am on board with this idea. I am sure he is thinking "If you didn't like the idea in the first place, why did you even suggest it?" Such a woman thing to do, isn't it? Suggest something, but not really mean it. Or is it simply a "woman approaching 40" thing to do??!!! If so, it might be a rough decade around here. "Oh where, oh where have my 20s and 30s gone? Oh where, oh where can they be???" (Sung to the tune of "Oh where has my little dog gone?")

The Misnomer of Sin Lite- Half the Disobedience, with little consequences

I have been thinking a lot about David lately. It's not that he is taking over the rightful place where my husband should be in my thoughts...but he comes pretty close. I have come to the place in my study where David spends too much time feasting his eyes upon Bathsheba and plunges to the depths of sin like he never had before. (Don't you think it is weird that she happened to be taking a "Bath" on a rooftop, and her name just happens to be BATHsheba? I've always wondered about that.) In previous chapters detailing David's life in 1 and 2 Samuel, he triumphs in everything he does because he is a humble man after God's own heart. He experiences success upon success in his life, all the while recognizing the sole source of his prosperity comes from God and God alone. He understood this clearly...he got it...he lived it...and yet somewhere along the way, he lost sight of the benefits of obedience to God and His protection. And when he lost sight, he lost sight in undeniable ways. He stole another man's wife, he slept with her, got her pregnant, tried to trick her husband, then had him murdered, and went on with his life like nothing had ever happened. After the "proper" amount of grieving time had been allotted, he even had Bathsheba move in with him. Who was this guy? It's incredibly hard to recognize who David was at his core after all that had "gone down" in such a short amount of time. I wonder if he even recognized himself. Had he traveled so far from God in thought and deed that even he couldn't remember what his life with God once looked like?

I can think of a lot of things that scare me in life...probably the very same things that worry you at times. But something that ranks very high on that list is the ravages of my sin....the consequences of my sin...the ramifications of my sin. And maybe more importantly, the thought of knowing that I might just willingly walk into it, if my sinful heart so desires. An extremely dangerous place to be. Literally makes my heart pound faster just thinking about it.

When I read about David, I don't stand in judgment...I read it as if he were me. And it is pretty easy to do (except for the fact that he was a man) because of our commonality of sin. As much as I don't want to identify with his mistakes, I can. Mine look different, but the results needed are still the same....forgiveness from God, sprinkled with the judgement of His Holiness. Because of His love for David, He couldn't allow the behavior and the choices to go without accountability. And He will do the same for me. I know it and I have experienced it.

I wonder if David took these choices (sin) that he made regarding his infatuation for Bathsheba lightly. Did he realize how one act "snowballed" into many equally devastating choices? Did he give any consideration to how God was feeling about his new path in life? How lightly do I take my own sin? How often do I take the time to confess my impure thoughts, words, and deeds to God? Do I subconsciously save the act of repentance just for the "big" stuff...the full calorie "Fat Sin?" Isn't all sin "fat?" None of it is "lite." It is all equally as devastating, isn't it?

I love how God doesn't walk away from David ("I will never leave you nor foresake you") and wash His hands of him. He shares the outcome of David's sin with him...because of His love for him. As a result of David's choices, God shares that "the sword will never depart from your house." (Meaning killing and murder will always be a part of his family) And it was. As I think about my own sin, I wonder what swords are a part of my life because of the sin choices I have made. Pondering this has caused me to speculate specifically what some of my own swords might be, although it has never been confirmed by the words of God Himself in my case. (David was privileged to hear from God specifically on that.) I just know they are there.

For these long-winded reasons listed above, I cannot take my sin lightly. As much as I would humanly like to, there is nothing "lite" about my sin. I must strive for obedience knowing that I will never attain it fully, even in all my heartful attempts. I am grateful that there is the hope of forgiveness, the promise of God's best for me in my life, even when I clearly don't deserve anything remotely that good. I'm tired of living in a sinful world. I am tired of my own sin. Do you ever feel that way? If only something much different had taken place in that garden so many, many years ago. You know...I'd really like to pass the "sin buck" to Eve and her apple. It is in my very nature to do so. :)

Something I am "passion"ate about

In this coffee-crazed, Starbucks status, $5 cup of java world, one might feel pressured to drink coffee even if they didn't like it, just to be "cool." I have never been interested in even trying coffee. Coffee is for my grandparents....I am just too young to drink it. But sometimes I would like something warm to drink in the winter which is not full of calories like hot chocolate or lattes. So, just recently I took the plunge and decided to try hot tea instead. I love it, I love it, I love it!!!! My food knowledgeable friend Brenda says that it is healthy for you, especially those that don't contain caffeine. Tea has no calories (unless you add sugar) and it has those very needed antioxidants for healthy whatevers. There are so many flavors to chose from....there is bound to be one that you would like. My ultimate favorite is "Passion" by Tazo. You must try it!! You can spend the same amount for a tea bag of it at Starbucks...or you can by a whole box of it at Meijer. It is excellent, and for fussy drinkers like myself, you just can't beat a hot cup of "Passion." I am recommending it to all my friends. And....four out of five dentists surveyed recommend Tazo's Passion Tea for their patients who chew tea. Now those are some convincing statistics!!! Give it a try....and tell em the Hesterwoman sent you.

It was "Totally Tubular"......in a way

Last night, I had the pleasure of having our EPIC HS Girls over for a Movie Night at the Hester-theater. It seemed like perfect timing....no school the next day for MLK. They could stay as long as they wanted without the fear of having to go to school the next day. And what else does a teen girl have to do on a cold winter's Sunday night in suburban Columbus?? We chose "13 Going on 30" as our selection for Movie Night. I had seen this movie once before, by myself, one Saturday afternoon, and I must tell you it is completely different watching it with a group of texting savvy teenagers who have no "respect" for what it is like growing up in the 80's. :)

"13 Going on 30" is the female version of "Big" if you haven't seen it before. Definitely worth seeing. Throughout the movie, the girls commented on the atrocity of our hairstyles, the bold loud colors of our clothing, not to mention ridiculous music we listened to. I knew we were deep in the pit of a huge generation gap when I had to explain to them the incredible musical milestone of the video "Thriller." After viewing a segment of the movie with the "King of Pop" flashing on the screen, one teen innocently asked "What's up with Michael Jackson?" It seemed we had no choice but to stop the movie for a much needed dissertation on the sheer relevance of the Thriller album ("What's an album?" they would ask) back in the
80's. And the glove....should I even take the time to go into the glove and when Michael himself strangely caught on fire during filming a Pepsi ad? Could they relate? Would they even understand? Should I go so far as to share the "phenomenon" of the moon walk? Would they treat it with the respect necessary? Would that be too much to ask?

Sprinkled throughout the movie was the soundtrack of my teen years with songs by the Go-Go's, Talking Heads, and sadly, Madonna. At times, I felt so old as we watched the movie, much like my mom must have felt when she would listen to AM Radio with us in our Chevy Vega, with a smile on her face, humming to "My Boyfriend's Back and you're going to be in trouble." Sing it with me, "Hey-la, Hey-la, my boyfriend's back." Music has a way of taking you back in time, doesn't it? It has a mysterious power to remind you of who you were, and what was important to you at the time the song was at its most popular. I wonder how today's music will effect this group of teens as they age. Will they look back at their songs fondly like we did? (What are their songs, anyway. I have no idea.) Will the music still have the power to paint a picture for them of their teen years? I suppose it does with every generation. Maybe my grandma is even taken back in time when she listens to Glenn Miller. I know I am.

Didn't it just seem like yesterday we were teasing our bangs and plastering them with hairspray? Wasn't it just the other day when I put on my leg warmers and tied my shoes with multi-colored shoe laces with sayings printed on them? And didn't I just put on my tapered jeans rolled up tightly around the ankles? I guess much time has passed and I didn't even realize it. Although, if you look around lately, it seems that the skinny jeans are coming back. Oh why, oh why, must we succumb to that trend once again??? This is one body that can not and will not do those jeans ever again. They are soooooo grody to the max.

In all seriousness, I truly enjoyed my time spent with the girls last night and witnessing their take on a generation that is as foreign to them as speaking Vietnamese. And now, I must humbly join the ranks of generations before me who struggled greatly in sharing the relevance of their growing up years to those misunderstanding "youngsters" below them. Make room for me, Mom. It's my turn now.

A Birthday Present of the Ridiculous Kind

This year happens to be a milestone of sorts for me. It is soooo not a big deal to the trillions of people that have done it before me, but for some reason, to me, it just is. "Word on the street" is that I will be turning 40 soon. I honestly can't understand how 40 years of my life have already been documented in the annals of Hesterhistory, but it is true. I can't stop it. I can't deny it. And, I just can't believe it. How can someone who was graduating from college just the other day...someone who had the "whole world before her," now suddenly turn 40??? Is this some kind of a trick, a figment of my imagination, a time warp of sorts?? If memory serves correctly, I just learned to tie my shoes, ride a bike without training wheels, and drink kool-aid without a lid. Or maybe that was my girls I am thinking of. Great!!! Senility is already setting in and I haven't even official hit the BIG 4-0 yet.

People talk about how great 40 is. Oprah had been bragging about it for years...that is, until she turned 50. They say what a peaceful time it is in one's life. A time of serenity, hope, and contentment. Things that are hard to imagine from where I am sitting. I see it as a time of living with two teenage girls who will eventually graduate and leave for college. I see it as a time where more wrinkles appear, where things which have already started moving south, will continue to do so. Where they will stop, nobody knows!!!! (Do you know what I am saying??) A time when people will ask my age and instead of saying, "No, you're kidding," they will simply respond abruptly with, "Oh, I thought so." What is serene, peaceful, or hopeful about that?????

I really say all this with a hint of humor. I trust you sense that. This is something I cannot change, and I hope to "embrace" at some point. But to take the sting off of it just a little, I thought it might be fun to celebrate the number 40 before it actually gets here...before the point of no return. This is a birthday present of the ridiculous kind. Here goes:

There are many of you who read my blog who come from places on the map which I have never been to. Some of these towns/cities I have never heard of, yet you are faithful to read my random thoughts each week. I am very grateful. I would love to know who you are. In celebration of the great number 40, I would like to challenge my "readership" to join my blog as a follower (see side column under comments). I would love to reach the number 40, for my own 40th next month. Silly goal, but at least it makes turning 40 just a little bit fun!!! Come on!! I know you can do it!!!

Completion of Week #1- Attempting to overcome self

This past week has been really exciting while intentionally giving each day to God and seeing what He is going to do with it. Some days have been more serving oriented than others, but my challenge of looking to meet the needs of others has been so unexpected and thrilling. Each experience has been unique. Gives me butterflies just thinking about it.

The ultimate challenge to overcoming self and pouring instead into the lives of others, is to not make this a "look what wonderful things I am doing" thing. In other words, in my attempts to not make life "all about me," focusing on the great things that I am doing, brings me right back to the place of elevating self. This so defeats the purpose. This needs to be all about God and nothing less.

Today, in my David study, I was reading in 2 Samuel how often David gave God the glory and honor for everything that happened in his life. In a time of leadership when it would have been SO EASY to say "Look what I have done," he always brought the emphasis back to God. This is a "man after God's own heart" in action. Although we know from David's history, that his walk with God didn't always look this way, at this point in his life, he got it right. Everything about him pointed others to the magnificence of God.

I got an interesting email from one of the Blog Friends this week. If she lived closer, I would SO take her to lunch. I can tell we would have some awesome conversations together. She lives out of state, but she is taking this Overcoming Self challenge quite seriously. The story that she shared with me through her email of how God was using her this particular week was incredibly inspirational and unexpected for her. I could tell she was blown away by the unmatched creativity of her Father, in His idea of how He would use her to be His hands and feet this week. Can't wait to hear from her again next week!!!

I also have a local friend who is joining me in the challenge. Her heart is huge...and she would give every minute of her life to serve other people, if she wasn't teaching precious 2nd graders about the love of God and the importance of academics. She is meeting a need for a family of one of her students right now. She would do this anyway, whether she was trying to challenge herself or not. But I can see she is looking around her everyday, asking God, "What will you do with me today?" This is so cool!!!!

I have some unique opportunities for next week, already being laid out. I am so excited about this!!!! Maybe God will change those...maybe He will keep them the same. But I pray He will continually purge the parts of me that are soooo "all about me" and that His radiance will shine brightly over those inadequacies. I have but one life...and it feels so good to use it for Him.

Seasons in the Sun-Part 2

Please read Part 1 of this post first, under 1/9/09-


Last Sunday night, I sat in my living room across from a friend I hadn't spent time with in eons. She surprised me that night by just "showing up," and I was so elated. I may be exaggerating a little here, but that statement, "a friend I hadn't spent time with in eons", could describe just about anyone in my life. You could insert any friend's name in that sentence and it would be true. We spent a good hour and a half sharing morsels of one another's lives....engaging in healthy reciprocating conversation like a tennis match of words, thoughts, and simply life. It was unbelievably refreshing and I felt so energized as she left. She had given the unexpected gift of time and conversation to me that night....and I didn't even have to beg her for it. It felt good. Really good.

One of the topics we touched on that evening, was this concept of "seasons of friendship" which I was referring to in yesterday's post. It seems that I am not "alone" in feeling "alone." In fact, there are countless of us in this current stage of life that say we feel alone. Our lives are jammed packed full of activities, obligations, and schedules. Before we know it, every idea that seemed good at the time has now become just another plate to keep spinning in the air. And we are overwhelmed. Our heads hit our pillows each night and we praise our God for the gift of sleep, only to be rudely interrupted by our morning alarm, seemingly just minutes later. And then we ask ourselves, "How did I get here? And where did everybody go???"

There are no simple answers to this situation we find ourselves in as mothers of school-age children and the lack of time we have for deep, meaningful friendships. We are here, and we don't like it....but what are we going to do about it? I can tell you one thing we are not going to do. We are not going to sit around watching this one life which God has given us pass us by without the blessing of "iron sharpening iron" friendships. We are going to look around and reconnect with these friendships that were so very important to us in our past, when our babies were young and with us all the time. We are going to let people know how much we love them and appreciate them. We are once again going to laugh with them, and cry with them. We are going to live life with them....it just may have to look a little differently. And at the end of the day, that same weary head will hit the pillow, instead with a spirit refreshed by the blessing of having others caring about your life and you doing the same for them.

A Side Note of Applicability- Tonight, some old friends who are longing to reconnect with one another are going to see a movie and go out to eat. Maybe people do this all the time. Maybe others make time together a priority. Maybe others have a handle on their schedules. But this situation is unique to us. We haven't done this before.....but I hope we do it again.

We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun

Part 1-

One of the many things I value in my life is the gift of having a sister. It hasn't always been this way. When we were younger, we had very little appreciation for one another. I think it is very typical...at least I see that being played out in my own house from time to time between my girls. Our relationship has long evolved past the days of her telling on me, and the days of me accidentally hitting her with a baseball bat in the head. We are now at the same place in life...smack dab in the trenches of parenting, being a wife, and pursuing a deeper relationship with God. There is much we are on the same page about.

Since we don't live in the same state, our way of connecting solely depends on the phone. We talk often...and we talk deeply. We talk about subjects that are important to discuss, but can't be discussed with just anyone. We confide in each other. We exchange in meaningless chatter. We challenge one another in our lives. We laugh at things which no one else would find funny. And because I am 6 years older than her....sometimes I still play the role of big sister. Guess it is hard for me to keep it contained.

In one of our weekly discussions, we got on the subject of friendships the other day. My sister is in a season of friendships with women which has been extremely fulfilling and gratifying to her. She is blessed to stay at home with her youngest Isabelle, who is almost 20 months, and many of her girlfriends are in that same stage of parenting. She loves the times when they get their kids together for a play date. She enjoys the availability of her friends, and how they could get together at a moment's notice if they wanted to. She appreciates their accessibility, as they are simply just a phone call away...and she never feels like she is interrupting them from something more important. She is extremely content in her friendships... for maybe the first time in her life. These relationships are comfortable and unpretentious. A complete blessing to her.

As we proceeded through our conversation, I told her how much I valued those days as well, with a hint of sadness in my voice. She paused in her response, and reluctantly asked, "Will my friendships not always look like this?" I hesitated to put a damper upon something that brings her so much joy.....a revelation of reality into her mind. But I felt like it was something that she needed to know....something that I wish I had known. The truth of the matter is this season of availability will not last. By the time these babies get into school, everything changes. The feasibility of getting together diminishes dramatically. The demands of the family change and require more time....which you gladly give. But you surely look back on the closeness of those friendships of the past and feel a pain in your heart for what has inadvertently disappeared. How incredibly valuable they were, and how incredibly valuable they would still be....if we just weren't so busy.


End of Part One....Stay tuned for more on this subject in tomorrow's posting.

In my life....I loved me more

Above all the grace and the gifts
that Christ gives to his beloved
is that of overcoming self.

-Saint Francis of Assisi

Overcoming self. That is what I would like to make 2009. The year of overcoming self. Can you think of a more monumental task? Oh sure, Barack Obama has his work cut out for him when it comes to the economy, the war in Iraq, his abs, etc. But what if he added overcoming self to the list of things to accomplish in 2009? Our hearts would really go out to him then, no matter how we voted in November. We recognize how toilsome that can be. We are right there with him. It is at the very core of our struggles. Overcoming self is so easier said than done.

I love how simply John 3:30 puts it. "He must increase, and I must decrease." Seven simple words that are as clear and unmistakable as they are arduous and demanding. Why is this way of thinking...this way of living...this way of serving Christ so hard for us to grasp? Even if we intentionally want to live out our God-ordained days this way, we don't know exactly how to do it. Instead, we are so proficient at being ourselves. Nobody does "us" better. Being us is as easy as being on auto-pilot. No need to steer ourselves in another direction, we are soaring high on our own. Or are we? What gravely important God-opportunities are we missing out on, when we live in the land of self?

The facets of living for self are so complicated, aren't they? My deeply entrenched ways of living for self, and your ways probably look completely different, yet they have a common theme...me. Sometimes we can recognize each other's self-seeking tendencies long before we discern our own. We are pretty good at that. I wonder how willing we would be to ask those around us what they truly see those inclinations to be. It's a scary thought, isn't it? How much success have you had with that? Selfish inquiring minds want to know. :) Is it possible to hear the truth about ourselves and walk away unscathed? Deep thoughts for a Saturday morning, right? Whatever happened to just watching cartoons on Saturday mornings? Laughing at Bugs Bunny is much more pleasant than the topic of overcoming self. All agreed?

This is why I blogged earlier about challenging myself in 2009 to develop a heart for serving others instead of being so "all about me." I am excited to have a few of you joining me on this journey. How wonderful it will be it have that accountability!! There is room for more. Come aboard!! You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. (This is a New Year's Resolution that is all about gaining...while most others will challenge you to lose.)

I have a few irons in the fire next week in the area of serving that I am excited about. Simply meeting needs....how cool is that!!! Looking forward to hearing about your "irons" as well.

Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow?

It's not often that The HesterMan and I have trouble in the communication department. For all our faults as a couple, there is one thing we have always been pretty good at...and that is talking with one another. We have never had to work really hard at how to approach one another with words...formulating sentences..carefully speaking diplomatically to one another. We have had to work really hard at other things, but not necessarily the "gift of gab." (That may be my gift...and his is the gift of listening. Your guess is as good as mine. :))

But our stellar communication skills went out the door recently when I asked Gregg to mail out our Christmas cards. If you have been following my blog at all (and who hasn't!!), you know what a thorn in my side these Christmas cards have been. They shouldn't be like that...but I have made it that way by waiting to the last minute to complete them. Right before we left for Michigan, I laid on my sick throne of a bed, and tried to complete as many as I could before growing faint and weary. (A little dramatic here, but people enjoy drama.) I sealed the last one with a sense of victory, knowing that the postmark would be the day before Christmas, and somehow that gets me in the window of punctuality. I handed the pile of cards to Gregg and said, "These need to be mailed before we leave." I was amazed that he didn't "throw a fit" about going to the post office when we were supposed to be hitting the road momentarily. I chalked it up to the wonderful serving nature of my husband, and moved onto the next task to get us out the door and on the road.

Fast forward a week later, and I am approaching my mailbox at midnight, having just returned from a Youth Event at church. I couldn't remember sending the girls out earlier in the day to retrieve the mail, so I was pretty sure it was still in the box. And boy, was there ever!!!!! In the darkness of the night, I pulled a card out of the mailbox that had stamped upon it, "RETURN FOR POSTAGE." "Oh," I thought to myself, "the stamp must have fallen off this one." Not good, but I will just stick another on it, and beg for mercy from its recipients later. As I reached in to get the rest of the mail, I felt a bundle of mail held together tightly by a rubber band. "What on earth is this?" I muttered in the blackness of midnight. Imagine my "horror" when I realized it was all of our Christmas cards....WITHOUT STAMPS ON THEM. Gregg had followed my instructions to a "t," never noticing that when I had handed him the bundle a week prior, the cards had no stamps on them AND THEY STILL DIDN'T!!!

I wanted so desperately to wake him up when I walked into the house with the bundle under my arm. I couldn't figure out how he didn't notice there were no stamps on these things. I approached our bedroom with the soundtrack of his snoring in the background, ready to shake him awake for an explanation. But it just wasn't worth it. It really didn't matter. There was nothing I could do about now. And who wants to be startled from a deep sleep while being attacked over silly stamps. It could wait until the morning. I was pretty sure I knew what happened anyway.

So, if you haven't received a Christmas Card from the Hesterfamily yet, it may be on its way shortly to a mailbox near you. If you never get one, accept this belated salutation from our family to yours, and know in our hearts that we wished you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!!

**Hestercouple New Year's Resolution #1- Mean what you say, and say what you mean. If you want him to go to the post office, TELL HIM. This home needs to be an "Assumption Free Zone." :)

Just call me "Oprah"....better yet...don't

Being sick in bed for 5 days gave me some time to think (between those dreaded "Gold" commercials and Sudafed fixes) about some areas in my life that need some work, or fine tuning, if you will. I feel like I have been in a season of being focused on everything else but the well-being of others. Candidly speaking, sometimes I see a need around me and I don't meet it. I think to myself, "Oh, I don't have time for that....it's someone else's turn to meet a need. Let someone else be blessed by serving once in a while." My heart for others has been tainted by my love of self. And I could feel it creeping over me like that dreaded flu bug. At times, I would ask myself, (You know those conversations you have with yourself in your head??....I know you do)"What's wrong with you? Why have you lost desire to meet needs around you? What are you doing with the time God has given you?" The answer to those questions just kept pointing me back to a place of selfishness...and it is an ugly place to be.

Focusing on yourself can lead to a depressed introspective state of mind. Have you ever noticed that? On the flip-side, when you give of yourself, there is little time to concentrate on petty things that can occupy your thought life. God created us to give ourselves away. You and I have only one life. How are we using the days in which God has given us?

Maybe it's because it is the first of the year. Maybe it's because I am turning 40. Maybe it's because I am sick and tired of being motivated to serve myself. But I got to thinking that I really need to challenge myself in 2009 to give away what God has given me...my energy and my resources to meet the needs of those He puts in my life. It is exciting to be part of the action in what God is doing!!! Why on earth have I been sitting on the sidelines???

So...I want to propose this challenge to you. This is what I have been thinking. I wonder if you would join me in meeting the needs of one person every week in 2009. Here's what that means: Simply looking around you and serving someone that God has placed in your path that week. It could be absolutely anything. There are no limits. There are no criteria. It may be making a meal for someone. It may be taking an elderly neighbor out for dinner. It may be calling someone you know who has been struggling with something big in their lives. It could be watching a couple's kids, just so they can reconnect with one another. Absolutely anything!! God will make it known. And when you are done, you will have served in 52 different ways!!!!! How cool is that???!!

I so want to do this!! And I would love to have the accountability of others doing this around me. It would be so wonderful to share in the excitement of serving!!! I have also thought about keeping a journal for the year....not to record "look what I did" but "look what God did!" With my poor memory, it would be a helpful tool.

Maybe you don't feel like you are struggling with "me-itis." If so...disregard. But if you can relate to anything here that I have shared, and you would like the challenge of sharing the gift of serving with a few others, you can simply comment right here. And together, we can be the hands and feet of Christ in a new and unique way!!! Will you join me?

Merry, Merry Christmas to you!!!

THIS wasn't on the "to-do" list!

I've been in bed for the last three days. Totally unexpected. I hadn't made room for this on the still ever-growing "Must do before Christmas" list. There was no lee-way, no give nor flexibility, no room for sickness on the to-do list. I had successfully arranged things that must be done down to the minute before we celebrated Christmas with my extended family, and now my "well-designed" plan has been foiled. Of course, the Christmas cards are still untouched, the Christmas cookies I made to give our neighbors still lay wrapped on the counter...and I am totally embarrassed to admit this, but I have a few more gifts yet to buy. I am in no shape to do any of these things. I am in really no shape to be writing either...but it is 2am...and I am tired of the tv.

Speaking of the tv, have you noticed how much you pay attention to cold and cough commercials when you are sick?? Man, there are A LOT of options out there!! I lay in my bed, looking painfully at the television screen, wishing I could somehow "will" the medicine to me. I know I am too sick to move from my bed to go out and get some. Which lends these thoughts....Why don't they allow some sort of delivery service for OTC meds?? If I can call and have pizza delivered in as short as 45 minutes, why can't someone bring over some Sudafed???

Some people swear by Nyquil. I know my husband does. I am so jealous of him when it comes to that. I can't take it. It has just the opposite effect on me. Although he rarely needs help in the sleep department, I can't take Nyquil because it makes me have a night of very restless, in and out of consciousness, very strange sleep. I would be an absolute fool to take it. Same goes for Tylenol PM. Whatever common ingredient that is in these things, I cannot have. I can't have caffiene after 4 pm either. Oh why, oh why must I be me????

We are supposed to celebrate the Hesterfamily Christmas this morning. Oh, how I wish I was healthy!!! My girls deserve a healthy mom to share in the wonderment of Christ's birth. Instead, I will sit on the couch with a blanket around me, incredibly scary hair, red nose, sunken eyes, more pale than normal skin, and force a smile as they open their gifts. They will want to hug me afterwards, but they can't, because we are SO MORTIFIED that anyone else in the family will get this bug. I cannot tell you the amount of times I have attempted to squeak out "Wash your hands" from this bed. I know Gregg has been singing that song into the ground too since Friday morning.

As I write this, I have decided that I am going to make an appt to see the doctor today. How I wish they still made house calls!!!! Although, if they did, my sick mind would probably encourage Gregg to clean the house before the doctor got here. And that would take a lot of work, because I have noticed that the girls have used this "down time" to do everything but pick up after themselves, make their beds, etc. I think it has been a little vacation for them to have me sick. Now, don't get me wrong, they are incredibly sympathetic to my plight. But I wouldn't be surprised if they have enjoyed the break from "me" a little bit.

I realize I have been a little wordy in the wee small hours of the morning. Be thankful you are only having to read this, and not hear it yourself. My voice is not my own. Come to think of it, my head and my sinuses are not my own either. I would gladly trade back what I had. Spending this time in bed has only confirmed the obvious to me. I enjoy interaction with people, I miss hearing from my friends, I miss talking with my sister everyday, and I haven't been able to use my allotted 5,043,403 words a day like I normally do. Thus, this incredibly long post at a ridiculously early hour in the morning.

Random thoughts:

-My husband has been very patient with me since I have been sick...a lot more patient than I am to him when he is sick. Why is that??

-I am amazed at the about of "Gold" commercials on tv. You know, "Send your miscellaneous pieces of gold you have laying around, we will melt them down, and send you a check for them. We will even give you an envelope to send them in." First of all, who has that much gold laying around?? And would you really take a risk and send it off in a envelope that's contents will be obvious to any hand that touches it? Maybe it is just me and my sick mind, but this seems outrageous to me.

-My husband did go get me some medicine and it has been a huge help. I am grateful for that. But I still need to go to the doctor. This is lingering too long. And my energy level is near empty.

-And for those of you who care, this is my 200 post of 2008. Kind of a neat milestone. I enjoy this hobby of mine, and I hope at times, you do too. Merry Christmas, dear ones. Merry Christmas.

Check Out Time is Promptly 2:15pm

I don't know about all of you in the great blogosphere, but it has become very apparent around here that the Hesterfamily is shutting down for Christmas Break a little too early. I have had an enormous desire to keep my girls home from school...call them in sick every day....just to have some extra time with them. I want to make cookies with them, wrap presents with them, play endless hours of the Wii with them, spend lazy stretches of time watching old movies with them, sip hot chocolate with them, and maybe even get them to help me with those Christmas Cards that haven't gone out yet. But alas, we still have so much left to do in the obligations of school department...and we get out tomorrow at 2:15. I just cannot wait!!! I feel so celebratory, I want to throw a gigantic party for our family and all our school-aged raising friends, who just might be feeling the same way we do.

Gregg and I have been trying to hide these early "checked out" symptoms from our girls...but I don't think it is working very well. We didn't want them to be infected by our contagion. Yet, we have been seeing signs as if they have caught the bug too, despite all the whispering, sighs, wimpers, and groans we have been making apparently not too privately. Guess it has been pretty obvious that we have wanted to officially call it quits in the effort arena of tasks and "to-dos" as well.

Since evidence shows with all high probability the girls have mentally "left the building," it has been difficult to challenge them to stay afloat until Friday at 2:15. It all comes down to the proverbial "Do as I say...not as I do" in reference to the behavior they seem to be witnessing in their parents. If Faith were to check out academically now, there could be huge ramifications for her come January. We don't want that for her...but we are having a hard time fighting this ourselves. How can we honestly expect it out of her? Hopie is another story. She can check out at this point in her academic career and not pay too strongly for it. Wish we could all be sitting in that catbird seat.

How about you? Where is your family sitting when it comes to anticipating Christmas break? How have you held the reigns in keeping your family task-oriented when everybody seems to be saying "Check, please!"

Wii can't get enough

I have recently developed the ability to play the banjo, flute, and tuba all within a matter of minutes. Now, before you start thinking I am a musical protege' (like you even would), I'll share a little "ancient Chinese secret" (remember that commercial from the 70's??) with you. The girls got Wii Music this past weekend from their grandparents for Christmas, and we have been playing it ever since. I am moved to tears as I listen to them play "Please Mr. Postman," "Locomotion," and "Wake me up before you go-go." (That song is the one that produces the tears...yuck..yuck..and triple yuck!!) Not only that, but I have conducted my own orchestra (what an arm workout!) and played the hand bells with Hopie (more of a wrist workout here). This is just so much fun!!!

The girls have recorded their own CDs and created their own CD jackets. They are so adorable!!! Watching our large collection of Miis participating in various forms throughout the game is absolutely hilarious!!! I never knew our Miis had so much talent!!!

So, if you are looking for a last minute Christmas gift for the kids, you really should try Wii Music. I have been pleasantly surprised with the reaction the girls have had over this latest game in our collection. (BTW, our Wii collection is very limited. Donations can be made right here on the blogspot. :))

Smile and say "Cheese"

You must know that I am behind in everything I am compelled to get done before next Thursday. There is no reason on earth I should be sitting with my laptop except for the sheer excuse of procrastination. I have a "to do" list a mile long, and just when I cross something off of it, another task mysteriously tacks itself to the bottom. It will not stop growing!!

I haven't sent a single Christmas card yet. Not even sure where they are right now. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?????!!!! I used to be so dedicated to this. I would spend hours formulating the right words and message to send in our annual Christmas letter. I would buy the girls matching Christmas outfits....make an appointment at a nice professional studio and have the Hesterfamily Christmas picture taken. Now, I find my mind drifting to questions of "Is it worth the headache? Can I really tolerate arguing with my girls over what they are going to wear...how I want their hair to look...if one has food in their braces in the picture...if they have both showered recently, etc." One of my girls nearly refuses to have her picture taken. Oh where, oh where did their "complacent" toddler years go??

I feel a self-induced pressure to get these Christmas cards out. Because we don't have the time nor energy nor patience nor unanimous desire to get our family's picture professionally taken, I had to search through the pictures we have recently taken on our own. Certainly, there would be something there we could use. Nothing...nada...zero...zilch...zippo...naught...that is, except for the one picture we had taken together on the BIG GAME DAY. (The Ohio State/Michigan game, if you don't live here) That is all we have!! And in that picture, Hopie is wearing a hat on her head!!!! Hardly anything comparable to what we used to send. Maybe people will get a chuckle out of the picture. Maybe people will take pity on me as a mom and realize I try...but I just can't win all my battles when it comes to daughter-rearing. Maybe they'll read my blog and this will be a head's up to them on the "less than quality" photo they will be receiving in their Christmas card this year. But, maybe, just maybe they have their priorities in line with that of our Father, and realize that it just doesn't matter what photo you stick in the card. They just want to see how much your kids have grown...and not so much how you have. :)

As much as I feel inadequate about my own portrait pickle, I must share how much I have enjoyed the pictures we have received in the mail thus far. They are beautiful and I marvel at the ways in which you were able to pull this off, fellow mothers. Maybe after all the craziness of the season is over, (that craziness is a topic for another post, I fear) we can schedule a breakfast or lunch together and you can tell me how best to accomplish this huge feat for next year. But whatever you do...please do not use the words "smile" or "say cheese," when we get together. I would so appreciate it.

Raking up the Leaves

I've been going through a little bit of a book rut lately. It has been a while since I have enjoyed the pleasures of reading a book I just cannot put down. And when I say "awhile," most of you might define awhile as one or two years. I define it as one or two months. I have a love/hate relationship with "can't put them down" books. I love to read them, start "sneaking" around for opportunities to digest them, and then I hate when I finish them. It's kind of like the anticipation of going on a date with your husband, and then feeling depressed when the date is over. The analogy may be a stretch...but it fits for me.

Last week, while searching the shelves of our library for a good book, I stumbled upon a "debut author" by the name of Nicole Baart. Without knowing a thing about her, I thought I would take a chance (I can be somewhat close-minded when it comes to an author I have never heard of) on the book and at least read the first couple of chapters. Before I knew it, not only had I read the first couple of chapters, but I finished the whole book. I LOVED IT!!!! I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT!!!

After the Leaves Fall strangely took me back to my college days at Western Illinois University and the dating years of my husband who was going to Iowa State at the time. Nicole does such a wonderful job of capturing the thought processes of a 19 yr. old college student. Her writing made me visualize my dorm room once again....living on campus...struggling through certain classes....the unknown of your future...the mystery of men....giving your heart away, etc. And she doesn't stop there!!! Thankfully, I just got my hands on Book 2 entitled "Summer Snow," which is a continuation of the first. I cannot wait to dig in!!!!

I have read offerings from debut authors before, and I have to say I couldn't find a single clue that indicated Nicole had never published before. After the Leaves Fall flowed very nicely from chapter to chapter and had just the right amount of "unknown and suspense." This book would gladly receive my "no money back" guarantee. :)

**PS- I just want you to know I am aware this post is not quality writing by the Hesterwoman. In the midst of trying to write this, I have had to break up an argument between my girls and answer my youngest's many questions about kitty liter. I hope you can accept my apologies. :)